thoughts re scumbag married men here

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  RHP User

  20 years ago

  I initially read your question and my first reaction was that you should take the time to communicate with your wife. After rereading your question several times I now find myself questioning; What was your sex life like before you got married?? IE did either of you change your behaviour or attitude significantly @ the time you got married? As I understand your explaination, she seems to have you well domesticated and you are allowing her nights out on her own, and given her "no problem, live with it" comment, I am beginning to suspect that she maybe "getting satisfaction elsewhere" on her nights out. Do her parents have a normal fuctioning sex life together, because their attitudes towards sex have a big influence, and now that she "is married" she may have a different view of sex from when she was young and dating. That is she may feel she has to be "respectable". Whatever the answer, you have to work on finding a solution, because the longer it goes on the harder and more painful and expensive it is to break things apart when things become unworkable. Sometimes you have to bite the bullet. Unfortunately I speak from hard fought, bitter experience. Mustang

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  RHP User

  20 years ago

  Good point! What does one do?? Know where your coming from...sex was withheld from me...to the point that i left...one year with no sex is INSANE!! But i trully knew myself & knew i couldn’t go on existing like that...I say exsisting because i trully do not believe that is LIVING! But, that is my view only ... All in all, each to their own...Do what’s right for you & those you love & don’t worry about being judged by society good luck luvvy : )

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  RHP User

  20 years ago

  everyones morals and values will differ...thats what makes us all unique. however...my opinion is.... if yr having problems, ffs go and seek some sort of counselling. talk it over...spend time alone together...a weekend in a hotel to spice things up again. at home i always felt like "mum/wife/housekeeper" so i didnt feel sexual in the slightest. But away from home....different story completely....i was a "woman" again!!! no stress..no thinking about housework, kids, wot to cook for dinner etc etc cheating is cheating....i will not tolerate it. however, i respect those men who are honest enough to put on their profile that they are attached/married.....thats being honest....even if u are a cheating slimebag and should be castrated on the spot!!! Lol. it gives the female the choice if shes gonna go there or not. its the guys that state they are single and are really attached that PISS ME RIGHT OFF!! deceipt runs thru their veins. honesty is always the best policy. if there is still love and respect in the marriage...then u should put in 100% and try to make things work. if u can honestly say uve tried to mend the relationship and it hasnt worked, then for goodness sake...go yr separate ways. having a spouse that cheats is absolutely devastating...yr whole world collapses. u cant even put into words the feeling...its awful. heartwrenching. if u have any respect at all for the person who u called yr partner then u would never cheat. think about how u would feel if the shoe was on the other foot. im sure u wouldnt like it. best thing is to separate. there will still be hurt feelings but at least no deception. *hops off her soap box* KL

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  RHP User

  19 years ago

  sorry.. are you a newly wed??

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  RHP User

  19 years ago

  Hi You have covered some really vital issues. First, mismatched sexual drive is pretty normal between lovers, particularly as the relationship settles into rhythm of routine and workday stresses take precedence. It is easy to believe relationship magic is over once the early steam (infatuation) cools. There a lot of relationship resources and books and counselors to help find strategies to deal with this. In reality, the real relationship is just beginning. I married very young. I’m in my 30th year of marriage. It still crackles with sex and exploration, and I’m still amazed in discovering new stuff about my partner. For over 20 of those years we were monogamous. It was only because we felt so rock solid we felt secure enough to explore other relationships and gave each other permission to take on lovers and try new experiences. It works for us. But I know for others it has not. I personally feel pursuing other avenues on your own without your partners’ knowledge or consent isn’t the best solution, though many people do, and do it regularly. Some even claim it has helped strengthen their relationship. However, I think it hampers the sense of intimacy, and the risks often outweigh the thrill (not just of sex, but also of the chase and chance). To ensure we stay bonded and close (and still have an open-marriage) we date each other, arrange romantic get-aways, little presents and gifts and basically romance one another regularly. So, in answer. a) Don’t live with it in silence and frustration. Find ways to bring the topic constructively out into the open. A counselor may help. If you can’t do it together (ideal) then go to one on your own. You owe it to yourself to be in a happy relationship. b) Ultimatums often don’t work, since it blackmails and relies on threat, and may backfire. c) Being in RHP is okay, as long as it remains harmless flirting. Thinking of having a rendezvous is not the same as actually having a rendezvous. Just remember also, once you begin playing around, you now have your lover to consider. People get hurt. Best wishes.

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