F66
why dont men know what women really want
November 14 2014
Comments
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RHP User
11 years ago
I find this very sad and would hope he's an exception. And you are right to expect more.
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erotictouch4u
11 years ago
Can you remember if there was anything back those 12 years ago which might have stopped him ?My wife started getting selfish, letting me get her off with oral, then complaining something hurt and rolling over to ignore me. No discussion to find out what happened at all, no compassion for my needs. This continued time after time so needless to say my enthusiasm for pleasuring her rapidly declined.Don't lose heart, we are not all the same.ET xox
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RHP User
11 years ago
huni you need to pull him into line and tell him straight that your bord and he's not doing the job right. If he doesn't listen , one night as he sleeps put a cock cage on him, don't let him out till he's learnt his lesson and your happy and pleasured :). - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
Have you ever asked or shown your husband what you would like? Perhaps your could show him how you play with your self. I am absolutely sure you would give him more pleasure than he has had for a long time by putting on a show for him. I love to watch what a woman wants and then try it out the next time it's my turn to play with her. You should either give your man a show or show him what it is you like. Who knows he may just be a slow learner and may soon again be able to light your fire?.
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RHP User
11 years ago
retrain him and your marriage. It all goes hand in hand, if your marriage is miserable then your sex life will be too. Why not take some steps to rekindle it before you pack it in?
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RHP User
11 years ago
Or assume they already know. We might be guilty of faking it once, with one man - and sent him on his merry way with a false sense of awsomeness and Woman are all so different - HELL! I can't even work us out, how are they supposed to! (In saying that, life's to short to have bad, terrible, dry, quick sex. I sympathise, sex is a BIG deal. A lack of it, love, passion or attention will erode even the strongest of people's relationships. I recommended you start masturbating. Least then you can please yourself, yes?) - Posted from rhpmobile
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cleopatrababe
11 years ago
i feel for you darling ,, i to had a marriage like that , ive been single now for over 7 years best move i ever made , yes its hard sometimes but u will find such joy on your own and meeting new people and some lovely men that will satisfy those needs , but if u still love him maybe some counselling would be a good idea
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RHP User
11 years ago
Is the key to everything in life ... But in saying that ... If u have told him and there is no change ... Then that's another story ... - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
that sounds terrible i hope you have talked to him ? I dont think you have ! Or have you ? Communication is everything remember do you suck his cock ?or touch him in the last 6 years ? Well my dear what ever the case its your time to feel so feel - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
and why don't you tell him? And when he doesn't listen then say no. So the other question is to....have you ever given him a blowjob??? And again have you spoken about SEX ,honestly ....EVER??
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RHP User
11 years ago
Miscommunication is the death of relationships. You owe it to yourself and him to speak up, demonstrate what you like and need and approach with sensitivity. However if he ignores or disregards you its time to move.on. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
Hi I'm a single male so not in that good a position to offer advic, e and I'm a novice BUT I love it when a woman guides me as to what she likes and how she likes it and I often hear women complaining that they can't talk to their husband/partner about his poor sexual prowess because he takes it any comment or guidance as a personal insult against his abilities, so they keep quiet, which just perpetuates things and aggravates them I imagine. Nothing will just change by itself, we have to instigate change, so talk to your husband,,, normally I hate counselors or Psychologists but they do help cut through the emotion. Often what one party says can be totally misinterpreted by the person receiving the message or we may just have difficulties expressing our thoughts and this is where a good counselor can really help couples. They will ask the other party what they heard what is their understanding of that statement and they can do all of this in a calm rational way because they have no emotional connection to either of you, where as trying to do it yourself sometimes just doesn't work because of that emotional attachment. Date nights are very popular with older couples trying to reconnect. Ralf & Lifonya are right, time to retrain both yourselves and your marriage if you're wanting to keep it. The alternatives out there aren't that great. There are a lot of single men out there who would shower you with compliments and attention but you wouldn't want to form a relationship with 90% of them because we are single for a reason. Good luck, I hope it works out for you.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Sexual frustration is a curse and not an easy problem to fix, but if left to fester it will eat you up. Frustration can lead to rash decisions and actions that you may regret. Sexual tension builds and feeds on its self raising above just normal desire. I am sure you have thought of and played out all the possible scenarios in you mind but there would be so many unknowns, and so many fears. There will be a lot of advice for you from here, and there are many that have been where you are right now. I am but a mere male so all I present are just words. 12 years is a long time, so something holds you where you are. It would help those here willing to give advice to know what it is that keeps you in your bed by his side? I will not speculate as to what it is but for the best advice you should not be inhibited expressing your feeling and needs. I will say, this is your life not anyone else's. It is not selfish to want happiness, It is not wrong to lust and explore your sensuality. Those that truly love you though at first may not understand, will support you when they see you regain those years you feel are lost. What ever the solution may turn out to be, it must involve change and you will have to cross some turbulent waters, but they will pass and be but distant memories. Help will not come find you, you must help your self. The journey start with a step. Step one, be true to your self, don't let the needs of others cloud your needs. Like i said just words from a man up way to late wishing you well for your journey.
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RHP User
11 years ago
what you want.or does he not care?...IMO totally different things....if he doesn't care, then that speaks volumes about the state of your marriage and the mindset of a selfish man...nothing will change that.leave...if he doesn't know what you want then you need to show him...talk to him about all the possibilities for ramping up your sex life now that the next is empty... I have never been in your situation but I imagine that when couples are just left with each other all the flaws that you ignored for the sake of the family become glaringly obvious and unhappy women leave...the man is quite often stunned because they didn't realise that anything was wrong....good luck OP ,I hope your situation is the later not the former hugs xxFreys
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RHP User
11 years ago
The next time he wants a root, give him an empty toilet roll that has been greased up with vasekine. When he asks "What's this?" you can tell him that's more pleasure than what he gives you especially as it is lubricated. You need to do something, seriously - I believe there is a book called "What Women Want: What Every Man Needs to Know About Sex, Romance, Passion, and Pleasure". Get one or go to a bookshop & have a look in their "Family" section & check out Rosie King's books - get one & insist that he reads it!!! Also have a look at Bettina Arndt's website - http://www.bettinaarndt.com.au/ - especially the book tab.
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RHP User
11 years ago
No communication, No intimacy, No fun (not even for him) and No emotional connect. Time to express yourself with emotional intelligence. No doubt he might feel the same, no man wants to just "plunge in", well maybe occassionally, but not all the time. It sounds like he thinks you dont like sex, for what ever reason, and is just doing what he needs to do. While responsability lies with both of you, it isnt his job to read your mind. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
YEP TELL HIM OFF AND HE DONT LISTEN EITHER GO HAVE FUN OR LEAVE HIM.I BELIEVE ALWAYS TRY TO FIX THE RELATIONSHIPFIRST BEFORE GOING ELEWHERE .
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RHP User
11 years ago
12 years? Do you have a say as to when and how sex takes place? Because this is not just about him.
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RHP User
11 years ago
To answer your question that's also the headline of your OP.... Because we're not mind readers... Clearly you've accepted his love making style for long enough that it's begun to erode your self esteem and confidence, which also is a good sign there are deeper issues within the relationship. I hope you find your happiness though wherever it lay. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
yes, i have told him many times what i like and need, but he is too interested in himself - porn is a big part of his life and he is the one with the issues. my only comfort is masturbation - at least i get some satisfaction this way.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Am I missing something?
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6exxy
11 years ago
Yes you do need to talk with him openly about how you feel about this. It is not about what you know he will say. It is about expressing it and giving him the chance to say what he will say. You need love not sex, ask for it. Sorry to hear this and good luck😀
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RHP User
11 years ago
What jaybaby77 said. Don't tar us all with the same brush, and communication is the key. If he ignores what you say, then other options come into play. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
thank you for all your input and kind words - mostly supportive of where i am at. 12 years ago he decided it was taking too long to bring me to orgasm (say around 7 to 8 minutes), so he gave up and went and bought me a vibrator saying to "look after myself". therefore he gets his satisfaction, but doesnt bother with my needs anymore. i stay for the kids, but realize there is much more happening in this relationship that is wrong. Sex is only a small part of it, the verbal abuse (and sometimes physical) is a very big part of it. I am probably at the stage where i do not wish to "retrain him" (as someone said). i am pretty much ready to move on to better pastures. I know i would be much much happier than where i am at now in my life.
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RHP User
11 years ago
I agree with Chev, you should have a Fun lover. 😎
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RHP User
11 years ago
Take him home and have your hubby tied up while he watches you get the life fucked out of you. That should teach him what you like. Oh make sure you let the stud out before untying hubby. :-D - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
It doesnt have to be a young studd. How about senualaries or funlover even. Can we just hear the report hehehe - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
watches porn Hmm what type of porn? When I can remember porn always has cunnilingus in it too...I don't watch porn I have forgotten. But maybe he needs glasses and only sees the big bits like cock. Hmm I am thinking.... Porn eh He must be bored to his eyeballs with sex also....Men watch porn to get turned on.............so he isn't turned on. Fuck tell him you go out to find a root, when you next go out with the GIRLS.....and when you come home even you haven't fucked anybody tell him a good sex story. and when he wants to fuck you say....kneel down lick my pussy and then we talking fucking. How confident are you??? Shit I am pissed of with a lazy man like that....but we women all know there are males who are just not into Pussy.
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RHP User
11 years ago
I have never met a man not into a tulip ..... like never. Is there really. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'Kerrie24' Is the key to everything in life ... But in saying that ... If u have told him and there is no change ... Then that's another story ... - Posted from rhpmobile you nailed it ladies... COMMUNICATION!!!!!!! Whether its in business, family matters or between lovers/partners.. Communication is the key to having things run smoothly... If you're met with ignorance, then you have major problems I'm afraid.. :( Try a quiet sit down together..politely challenge him to get you off with just his hands or a toy...be sure to off to return the favor..suggest a bit of role playing... or joint porn watching (very, and i mean very subtly drop a little hint if you like what you see..Mmmm, i recon I'd like what he's doing hunny etc etc) I'm a firm believer in whats good for the goose, is good for the gander... Take it nice and steady my dear as some men's ego's can be a little fragile when someones insinuating they're not a good lover :/ Little steps.. Good luck Giddy xx
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RHP User
11 years ago
I know I'm a gorgeous little thing, but how flattering of you to say so ;P - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
IF he just wants to use you as a hole for him to masturbate inside.... .... Don't let him. you are facilitating his behaviour through complicity.
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RHP User
11 years ago
And you do have a point. :p - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
You're your and just you - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'ralf74' retrain him and your marriage. It all goes hand in hand, if your marriage is miserable then your sex life will be too. Why not take some steps to rekindle it before you pack it in? Yep agree, OP if you do leave then regret it 12months later it may well be too late then to tell him.
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RHP User
11 years ago
There's a big difference between not doing what to do and not caring. You can work on the not knowing but if he doesn't care that's not usually something you can change. If you stay with someone who clearly doesn't care about you, in the end it's about what YOU have decided to accept in your life. The choice is yours and staying in a situation that makes you miserable can't really be blamed on someone else. I'm not saying he doesn't care - I have no way of knowing that (though your posts suggest he doesn't). I'm saying IF he doesn't, then maybe it's time for you to make some different choices for your life. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
Knowing, not doing E.g. 'not knowing what to do' - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
I could give you the mega brutally honest answer but think i'll keep quiet on this one .. lol . - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
Some great advice hope you can fix things or if not then leave. I thought I would add a couple of points It can be much harder to communicate something new with a long term partner cause you have so much invested and the fear of rejection when you tell them put it out there is so much greater. With someone you just met is very easy to say cause you don't have much invested. In your case you almost ready to click out of the relationship so you have nothing to loose by being 100% brutally honest an say what you want and the consequences of him not changing are you leaving. You say he likes to watch porn (as do all guys) so I would say to him let's watch some porn together. Would thought recommend watching together "how to eat pussy like a champ". Nina is a legend an so hot and could even teach your guy how to go down on you. Say this is what gets ME off. He wins as well as there is some girl on girl porn at the end of the movie as the reward for learning. All the best and good luck :-) W. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
the type of thing he is interested in is transexuals.. i find this hard to accept, as i am just "all woman" inspirit : i like the idea if bringing home a young stud (or any stud) and have him tied up watching. the thing i find with porn from what i have seen, is it is more about the physical stuff, not full on emotional and and passion. perhaps i have watched the wrong things. i am pretty much ready to move on anyway. He treats me badly in all respects, not just sexual. I made him a full on cooked breakfast this morning, and asked "did you enjoy that" ,and he snapped back " i would have told you if it was no good '..... this is very common and a typical response to me... i thought this was normal, but am getting the vibes that he is ABnormal. thanks for all the positive little vibes.. someone mentioned buying a toy from spotlight... i have no idea what that would be, and would be interested to find out.
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RHP User
11 years ago
i agree on all your comments
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RHP User
11 years ago
....absolutely spot on...does he not know or not care?...... I feel for you....suffering from sexual/intimacy frustration can be a dark place to be.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Sorry to hear thiswe agree with most everything said on herecommunication is the key to it allmy hubby gives me too much oral its great but need the rest toohave you really spoken to him about your feelings or is there something deeper that is worrying you from 12 years agotry to talk about it and see what happens hope all works out
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RHP User
11 years ago
Er, verdana, verbal and physical abuse!!! He has no respect for you !! Aside from that, he has no desire to pleasure you whatsoever, unfortunately prevailant out there. Selfish prick,fuck him off and get yourself a real man!!
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RHP User
11 years ago
but after reading everything that you have to say, I tend to agree with aquanaughty. All the other Forum Members here have given you the best of advice and you do seem to have "tried" to repair your marriage. By the way, I don't think that 7 or 8 minutes to climax, is a problem that a man cannot overcome. I was in the same boat as you where that is concerned but I've learnt to overcome it. Plus my husband has become an "expert" lover too !!! It's the "abuse" that you say that worries me.I honestly think that it's time "to get out". Your marriage should have never got to such a stage !!! But that is an outcome of being complacent so this is where you are at. I honestly hope that it all works out for you, in the end. Amy
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RHP User
11 years ago
Just have an affair like lots of guys and girls on here are.
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RHP User
11 years ago
If you want to massage me we can have a chat if you like????? - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'aquanaughty' Er, verdana, verbal and physical abuse!!! He has no respect for you !! Aside from that, he has no desire to pleasure you whatsoever, unfortunately prevailant out there. Selfish prick,fuck him off and get yourself a real man!! It is easy to stay in a situation for the kids ... but now it is time to live your life and enjoy it. Regaining your self confidence and taking charge of your life and your sexual fulfilment is up to you. I wish you all the best ... HugsLG
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RHP User
11 years ago
Are you still in love with him or is just a habit being with him? I would consider my options.... Ones without him in it. :-)
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RHP User
11 years ago
I sympathise with your plight. My situation was similar in that he was too tired or there was a game of g.o.l.f. (can't even say the word) to be played. I decided time for direct action, time to add a little (well probably a lot) of spice. So knowing he was working late I had plenty of time to prepare. Beautifully scented candles perfumed the house and soft, music played in the background. I dressed in a white fairy dress - short, barely covered the buttocks, transparent, of course, white stockings and suspenders and positioned myself inside the front door on a st, legs slightly apart. He opened the door and I said "I am the good wish fairy here to make all your dreams come true" He stopped, looked and said "For heaven's sake Katherine, don't you know the golf is on TV" as he strode past and went and turned the TV on. Two weeks later I left.
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RHP User
11 years ago
no person has the right to make you feel bad and unhappy inside or outside of the bedroom you are a beautiful person you need to be around people who give you positive energy
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'ralf74' retrain him and your marriage. It all goes hand in hand, if your marriage is miserable then your sex life will be too. Why not take some steps to rekindle it before you pack it in? Well put Ralf74,maybe the man does need a woman to show him what she wants. Very surprised that a person would think about moving on just of the lack of pleasure. Actually you seem to come across as a selfish woman to us,talk to your man.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'aquanaughty' Er, verdana, verbal and physical abuse!!! He has no respect for you !! Aside from that, he has no desire to pleasure you whatsoever, unfortunately prevailant out there. Selfish prick,fuck him off and get yourself a real man!! That is some what harsh,maybe there is more to this then we have been told?.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Would be nice to hear the male side to this story,Actually from the man himself cause at the moment every thing is just hear say.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Its common, and we come across this scenario far to often. If I couldn't please my woman I'd learn how, and leann fast. Her pleasure always results in my pleasure. I used to think I was pretty skilled, and had magic powers when it came to pleasing woman. Not the case at all. What i do is simple, passionate foreplay. Sadly, and we mean this, and stand by what we say from swinging and playing with couples for the last 11 years. Most men, have no idea or the motivation to please their partner. And this results in their same lack of talent when they're given the opportunity of a lifetime to play with my lover Xrisi. While I can and often do give their wife, or partner the time of their lives. Most, if now all are given an experience they've never had or it's been so long ago they've forgotten they could feel like I make them feel. Welcome comments from anyone that knows us. Its so simple men, if your woman was a car you'd make sure she got the best and finest attention. She's the most important asset you have, and will ever have. Learn how to please her, and keep learning, simple. And then enter the swinging scene. Practice builds confidence, and woman respond well to confident men, and passionate play. Here's a tip or two. Allow at least a half hour's attention to her before any attempt at penetration. And if unsure about anything you're doing is causing great pleasure then ask her. Does that feel good?? shows you care, relaxes female, and feedback is essential Come on men, stand up and be men. Or swing with a couple like us, and watch me please your woman. Which by the way,Xrisi thinks is incredible to watch and is her biggest motivation to swing. Gets more pleasure from this than the male play. And factoid, I'd be pretty gutted if my woman received pleasure far greater than what provided her with. Men, start talking to other men. Look around, and learn what makes her gush, and dont be in a rush.
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RHP User
11 years ago
I'm more of a carnation man personally ;) - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
Chin up my dear sure you will make the right discussion and find fulfillness and happiness - Posted from rhpmobile
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Sexfun4uandme
11 years ago
12yrs of marriage is a long time to just throw away. But how you make your bed is how you'll sleep in it. But try few things different.. Like how would you feel about masterbaiting in front of him .? I believe once he watches you, I'd be very surprised if he didn't join in.?? If that don't work.!! Get a platinum account on RHP.!! And start discreet relationships. I'd be happy to help out..lol I think making & watching a woman go off is just as good as going off myself . Good luck.💝 - Posted from rhpmobile
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Smilingwithfun
11 years ago
You need to speak to a professional. Ask your Doctor, Relationships Australia, Lifeline. This is something where they can help. There is no place for Physical Abuse. Get some help.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Why is the assumption made that all men don't ? There are men that are in the same boat as yourself and are usually dismissed or referred to as the typically 'horny male' complaining about not getting enough.... This is a major issue for both female and male and there is always a plethora of reasons for it. Like many have said already, discussion and communication are the key to avoiding this problem which destroys good relationships. Best of luck :) - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
I'd speak to him about it n maybe show him how u like to be touched, that's the key because not Everyman you go to sleep with is going to know what makes you feel good! Or know your sweet spots! Just a thought :) - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'verdana' thank you for all your input and kind words - mostly supportive of where i am at. 12 years ago he decided it was taking too long to bring me to orgasm (say around 7 to 8 minutes), so he gave up and went and bought me a vibrator saying to "look after myself". therefore he gets his satisfaction, but doesnt bother with my needs anymore. i stay for the kids, but realize there is much more happening in this relationship that is wrong. Sex is only a small part of it, the verbal abuse (and sometimes physical) is a very big part of it. I am probably at the stage where i do not wish to "retrain him" (as someone said). i am pretty much ready to move on to better pastures. I know i would be much much happier than where i am at now in my life. Sorry Verdana,But staying for the kids is not doing them any favours.You hear it all the time around dysfunctional relationships, "I'm just staying for the kids"I firmly believe happy parents equals happy kids, what you are actually doing is showing the kids that your "relationship" is a normal adult relationship, that this is what they have to look forward too, do you want that ? Is what your experiencing what they should aspire too ? or except ? I don't think so.
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RHP User
11 years ago
i was disappointed in the comment saying i am selfish. i give him everything he wants and more.. perhaps i have become a door mat in his life, as he certainly does not give anything back to me.porn is a big part of his life, and this has warped his mind i am sure... verbal abuse has become part of my life when things go wrong, things are not to his liking, etcno... i do not love him anymore... i am ready to move on. thanks for all the other positive comments, and i will try and get past BellaRH comments. you would not know how it feels to be threatened daily in many ways, and the fact he stores a gun in the house does not help things.
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blackbig
11 years ago
It is a difficult situation for you madam. However the options are few.. 1. You leave and start a new life on your own ....you might bump into a hot lover😍 2. Stay in a current relation and find different ways to please yourself, such as masturbation etc 3. Have an affair with a hot lover...on ongoing basis. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
You're no longer an equal, but the live in maid Time to tell him how you feel and what you want...........didn't work? Seek out some counseling, they will more than likely want to speak to him as well. If he thinks everything is ok, nothing is wrong, this is normal and refuses to go, you will know for certain that he cannot be helped. You have the ball
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RHP User
11 years ago
Verdana...... Im going to be the one to say it. You say you stay for the kidsYour profile says kids are all gone.You say you are threatened and verbally abused, and don't love the main, and are ready to move on...... but this has been a 12 year long issue What aren't you telling us?Because Im just not prepared to buy this on the basis of what you're sharing. DG
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RHP User
11 years ago
I'm hearing you say you have a husband who doesn't care about pleasing you, is too interested in himself, who treats you badly and who verbally (and sometimes physically) abuses you. However you stay for the sake of the kids, even though you're ready to move on to better pastures. No one ever deserves to be treated badly by their partner, whether in the bedroom or elsewhere, let alone be abused. I agree with 50zkool, and feel you aren't doing you kids any favours by staying. You are teaching them that being mistreated is no reason for leaving. Is that the lesson you want them to take with them when they leave home? You can teach your children to respect themselves enough to never allow anyone to abuse them, by doing the same for you. Good luck x
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'SexyliciousGC' Why is the assumption made that all men don't ? There are men that are in the same boat as yourself and are usually dismissed or referred to as the typically 'horny male' complaining about not getting enough.... This is a major issue for both female and male and there is always a plethora of reasons for it. The topic title was poorly chosen I think, but verdana does make it clear she is talking about her husband only, unlike some forums complaining about "all men". I agree it's an issue for both, as in the last few days a very similar forum was posted by a man.
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RHP User
11 years ago
i dont believe my profile says my kids have left home.. if it does, i stuffed up. my youngest is 17 with one year to go at home. believe it or not, if i leave i will be financially worse off - this IS a major consideration for me. i have been married for 29 years, with the past 12 really bad progressively. I just happen to know the date of the last orgasm i had with him. 29 years of marriage - five orgasms that he has given me. i tried to leave 5 years ago - he begged and pleaded and cried for me to stay, he would change etc.. stupidly i believed him. .. he regressed back into his old ways very quickly. porn for at least 2 hours before i get out of bed in the mornings, and many hours at night . and yet no time to give me pleasure. marriage counselling : you have to understand the nature of this man "I AM NOT ANGRY' is a common reaction to things i say to him..
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RHP User
11 years ago
Verdana, it seems as if you are in pretty much the same position I'm also stuck in; staying for the kids with an abusive husband who doesn't give two hoots about your feelings, needs and desires. I realized when I also tried to 'fix' our marriage, that he no longer cared about me - all he cared about was himself and controlling me. Up until six or so years ago the sex was the only 'glue' keeping our marriage together, but when he started being controlling and abusive, the communication, trust, intimacy, romance and ultimately LOVE, went down the pan. He had health problems from drinking, could no longer 'rise to the occasion' and I didn't want him anymore anyway, being he was such a ratbag to me. So I found a lover, as many on here have advocated to do! Cheating may not be anything I'm proud of, but it sure made me happier and I was finally getting sex with men who cared to talk to me about it and wanted to see me enjoying it. If someone takes pleasure in YOUR pleasure and wants to see you smiling and happy - that's gold.
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RHP User
11 years ago
OK I feel her pain as im in a rel for over 12 years!!! im def a sex addict!!! and my women wants it once a week if im lucky!!! but here she says 12 years has not touched her clit??? did he do it before?? why did he stop??? iv slept with 100s of women so you would think I could please any women?? wrong. every women is dif. They all like the things we read about like massage, candles, dinner etc.. even though thay all have tits and a fanny!! each women responds dif to dif stokes!!! like a women who needs it hard deep and fast to get to orgasm, were some love it slow and sensual. were I like a good passionate encounter. the point im trying to make is reach out to him through your naughtiness!!! when lying in bed just slip the hand over a play with his balls or go down on him!!! some people don't like going down on a big hairy cock lol so in that case be very touchy feely... tell him you shaved your fanny and does he want to lick it!!! even if he does not the thought of it will get him thinking!!! he wont be able not to think about it!!! or change position!!!! like holy fuck there is more ways to it than him on top!!!!!!!!!!! and do it on the couch!!! floor or were ever!!! or maybe you were not into it as much when you were younger and now the roles have changed!!!!! men also out of spite of bad sex for years just would not care!!! saying fuck her.............and that what we don't want .... or if he blows early or cant get it up on demand!!! don't say ah its ok don't worry about getting up .... that's never happened to me before lol and when he inside you let him know!!! let him hear you enjoy it~~~~~~~ all men love sex and what comes with it!!!! writing this reminds me I have to put some serious effort in and get the fuck off this site!!! in the new year lol and men love to watch it going in and out and looking at all that is going on x x x x x x x x
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RHP User
11 years ago
It's time to get the "F**k out of there", nothing will fix your situation other than getting out n away. If you always do what you've always done, you always get what you always got! It'll put a rocket up his arse, won't know what hit him but you will! Life's too short to have lousy sex, find yourself an appreciative lover, older or younger, just do it! You need to take control of all aspects of your life and be the person you were meant to be! Good luck but that marriage is over! My opinion based on personal experience. Go get it girl. G xx 😊 - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
You say he is physically and mentally abusive and has a gun! Just get to the closest women's shelter, take your child with you Your life is worth more than money
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RHP User
11 years ago
someone who really understands
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RHP User
11 years ago
Have you ever thought of buying some toys and getting him to arouse you with them as part of warming you up
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sweet_cherry69
11 years ago
Your situation is very similar to mine Verdana. Brought a tear to my eyes on some of the ridiculous comments - God this woman is crying out for help! Seeking counselling fir the last 6 months - you have good sessions and not so good. Yes you say you stay for the kids - but really you don't want your sons to have that sort of male figure to aspire to when they are in relationships like your loser husband. I'm like you, we woman just need to be brave, face the consequences, move on and you know your future no matter what it brings will be better without this idiot in your life. Take care hun 💋😀💋😊
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RHP User
11 years ago
My first response when reading the title of this thread was to be flippant and say because you keep changing your minds as to what you want. Then once reading op realized this is a serious problem everything that needed to be said has been by many rafl pleasure_her and others in one form or another communication. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
A Gun! Get him out as soon as you can. After reading what you have said all I can say is get a Violence Restraining Order (VRO) as soon as possible, The police will remove his gun and serve him the order and remove him from your life. If he tries to contact you, return to the house or breaches any of the order conditions, call the police immediately. It is a crime to breach an order and they will arrest him. Make sure you keep the car if you have only one, withdraw what you need to get by from any shared accounts and then make sure they are two to sign. This is not something to be taken lightly. You MUST NOT TELL ANYONE what you are going to do, or that you are even contemplating it (he is abusive and armed and thus very dangerous), do not tell even your children until the order is served and he is out of the house. If you fear that he will ignore the order, take you and your children to a woman's shelter. Get the police to inform your neighbors that if they see him near the house to call the police. DO NOT talk to him or contact him. If he conforms to the order you will never have to see him again, if he does not then he will end up in prison. Then find a lawyer and start the divorce proceedings. VROs are designed to stop this type of abuse, there is no justification that you should live in fear for your self and your children. The police take these orders very seriously and have them as high priority response if breached in any way.
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brently
11 years ago
If you have told him and he still only cares for himself then you must take different action. It sounds like you have let this go on for far too long. There are no victims, you need to step up or stay unhappy. My advice is do some personal growth work and find your own sense of worthiness and personal power. No self respecting person allows someone to treat them like that. You have taught him what you will tolerate, if you want it to change you must change and do something different. Good luck.
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RHP User
11 years ago
I find it very hard to believe that a person can be that mean as you say they are. If he really is that way then he has problems,and im starting to feel for you. One other thing im curious about,why are you on a sex site asking for advice?
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RHP User
11 years ago
Occasional lack of care can be wracked up to stressful times. However, abuse is beyond stress and is something no lover should put up with. I know, I've just come out of a long term relationship that I stayed in for the kids. And I was raised by two parents that should have separated - and did the minute I moved out. I can only stress go see a professional marriage counsellor, and bring up topics like narcissism and borderline. Even if you are going to leave him. you are going to require professional help to overcome the damage of the relationship. I can tell you a year later after some hard work I'm in such a better place, such a better parent to my kids and would never consider accepting this from anyone. There is only one response for any type of abuse (physical or verbal), sort yourself out and don't do it on my time. But with such an investment, go seek out marriage counseling - what you may be describing is only the tip of the iceberg that could potentially sink your soul.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'Verdana' you would not know how it feels to be threatened daily in many ways, and the fact he stores a gun in the house does not help things. ... IF it's like that and IF you have come to the conclusion that it is over, I would suggest that as hard as it is, it may be in your best interests for you and your child to relocate - especially IF he has stopped being sorry in the cycle of abuse.
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RHP User
11 years ago
I am at a total loss on this one............did she come and go? Was that for real?
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'inspirit' I am at a total loss on this one............did she come and go? Was that for real? Things are not always as they seem in here. I have no idea if the OP was genuine, but, I do know there are topics started by people who are clearly in information fishing expeditions, in the name oif research. I also know of one Blogger who occasionally uses the forums as a sounding board for opinions and information to use in her blog posts. They come.... breif profile... no pic.. or one pic of dubious quality and origin... post one or two topics.. then vanish. Such a shame the site wont verify profiles to improve the quality of its members. DG
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MsJonesy
11 years ago
Quoting 'inspirit' I am at a total loss on this one............did she come and go? Was that for real? I agree.. most strange, and noted she is still logging in each day though. Oh well, I hope some peace comes to her.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Yes, it was and is all true what i have said. i certainly didnt expect the reactions i had from everyone .. they range from - its my fault - i need to retrain him - it cant possibly be true - i should leave him - i should get a toy boy - i should get some toys to look after myself. Yes, it is all for real, and yes he treats me badly. yes, i get abused, and yes sex is very one sided. I opted out of this site for a bit, as all the above was just so much to take in. I certainly am not doing any sort of research as someone said.. what an unbelievable thing to say. Yes, i am for real, and yes it is all happening. some people's comments made more sense than others, and i believe in my subconcious this confirms what i always have thought. .. i need to leave him and seek a better life. thanks to the true believers, and thanks to those that said they have been in similar situations. YOU are the only ones that can possibly understand what it is like. To all the recent people saying that i made the whole thing up... that was very cruel and mean... you should keep these comments to yourself as they have upset me greatly. verdana
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RHP User
11 years ago
I came across this topic and realised I saw your profile today as you are in my city :) If you want to talk then contact me/us and we can have a chat/coffee, definitely no strings attached! Both of us have been in bad marriages before and are good listeners. Mr HnH
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'Verdana' I certainly am not doing any sort of research as someone said.. what an unbelievable thing to say. Y Given that i made a comment about research.... never did I infer... this was you.I hope you find the answer and life you seek. DG
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quote Verdana. "Yes, it is all for real, and yes he treats me badly. yes, i get abused, and yes sex is very one sided."Do not get upset as you are sending out mixed signals and I think its all focused around the "I get abused" and mentioning that he has a gun does not help your cause. By saying that (he has a gun) you imply that you are in fear of your life, try as i might I can see no other reason why you would say that. From my experience people that are being abused are never concerned about their own sexual satisfaction, just getting through the day is hard enough. There is the possibility that you are trapped in circle of dependency and abuse. If you are you do need help, help that you will not find on an Adult dating site forum. Abuse in any form is not tolerated in this society, all it will take is for someone to witness the abuse and be conscientious enough to report it and the solution will then be outside your control. Your last post though did help me at least make a conclusion. You are a victim that much is sure, and you should get help. You are displaying all the traits associated with with "Victim Mentality." I strongly suggest that you talk to a physiologist as a first step to you own personal happiness. You cried wolf once here, many came to your aid with advice and concern but your last words seem designed only to define you as a victim of the RHP forum.
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RHP User
11 years ago
I've always had the belief that it is the responsibility of both in a relationship to reassure their partner that they can share thoughts and desires without boundaries or judgement. It is the responsibility of the individual to express these including how they like to be pleased and what they don't like. If people can get over jealousy, possessiveness, insecurity etc they can have an amazing sex life without conventional boundaries and include others outside of the relationship and live out every carnal desire. I would in the OP's situation simply speak up. It's hard to imagine men or women in this modern sexually liberated society would still think hop on hop off missionary sex is adequate or satisfying and by reading blogs and forums it is as plain as the nose on your face that women have a more extensive imagination and desires than men. Sure there are exceptions where people have had a sheltered life but with the Internet boom in the last 20 years the resources for discovering the world of sex is unparalleled compared to previous generations. Probably the simplest of terms is "the squeaky wheel gets the oil" so maybe it's time to squeak a bit. Try initiating sex but don't let him get on top, initiate oral sex then throw a leg over and sit on his face.. Who said you need to give him a choice? Perhaps then slide down to a reverse cowgirl and control the speed and don't let him cum until you're ready. A girls got to do what a man should have done sometimes :-)
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