M69
would you break up with someone who had a very low sex drive
June 02 2014
Comments
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RHP User
12 years ago
never been able to understand people's lack of sex drive because I have always had a huge one. I get pissed off that I can't get someone who can screw me every day or more. I even had 3 FB at a time who could not keep up. I am currently saving myself for someone who has a much lower sex drive than I do at about once a week but we have a great connection but I am wondering if it is worth it as it seems like a lack of effort on his part. The... I am tired & busy excuses don't cut it with me because I get tired and busy too but I make time and I can sleep when I am dead. He has a physical job which I can understand but I am more than willing to make up for my demands with massages, cook a meal, etc. I do hold back a bit because I know I am not the norm when it comes to sex drive and once a week would be awesome for some people but if you are having to wait months then I think it may be time to be selfish and seek someone who can fulfill you in every way before you ended up cheating to get it.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Be mates instead.....or not. Mrs TB_S - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
...but when it isn't..well...only you know how important this person really is for you..but i know one thing...you are who you are, and want what you want...that will not change...so if you feel like your sexual desires are not being fulfilled...eventually you will leave her anyway, or as "ralf74" mentioned it...you will seek it elsewhere, hurting her in the process... you can try for a while, to be the person another wants you to be...but in my humble opinion..what's the point?you only have this one life to live...so might as well be true to yourself...
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RHP User
12 years ago
If you're not happy..... A you're both not happy.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Eventually the resentment will grow from the perceived constant nagging for sex and on the flip side the constant rejection by the partner with the low libido. Both should find someone more suited to each other as its generally 9 times out of 10 not something that will improve over time but get worse.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Is this recent or has your partners libido declined over the years? Hormones (or lack of them) can play a big part in sexual drive. I know a few women who have successfully turned their sex drives around with testosterone patches. I noticed your age and if it's a life partner that you are talking about, I wouldn't be so quick to run. Sex is important, but so are years of love, trust and commitment. If you care for your partner, talk with her, seek professional help if she is open to it. She may be happy with a monthly session, but she may also want a more intimate life but doesn't "feel" horny or motivated to seek it. I had a low libido following the kids and felt that "pressure" and the guilt that came along with it for feeling that way. I was lucky that Hubby stuck with me through it and a few years down the track, I'm his horny little Minx and we have a great life together.
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RHP User
12 years ago
There is more to love and a loving relationship than sex. Having said that, sex and intimacy do play an important part. Mr Curious and I went through a few years worth (close to 5) when we were only having sex maybe 3 times a year. I (Mrs) just had other so many other things in our life that were occupying my time and affections (four pregnancies, three babies). It must have been a terribly difficult time for him as he has a high sex drive. Thankfully, he stood faithfully by me and now how the tide has turned. We worked on the foundations of communication and real intimacy and took our relationship back to square one and we are so much better for it. Better sex than we were 16!!!! Hang in there buddy. Mrs Curious - Posted from rhpmobile
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Dryphuz
12 years ago
I would be as gentle about it as possible, but i would assert that sex is, while not the heart and soul of relationship for me, very important. I'd make sure they understood i don't think there's anything wrong with them (people can get a complex about this sort of thing). I know someone who left their fiance for just this reason. rocknminx is right though. It may be something else is causing it.
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RHP User
12 years ago
I don't think I would But one of my best friends confided in me a few years ago and I gave him this advice. I felt I had something to offer as I was once in a simular situation My mate complained that he gets no sex from his wife. Then I hear his wife saying at a party she doesn't want sex because he is always asking for it.My mate tells me when he does get sex its like she just gives in and wants it over with ASAP so he wants more sex because it wasn't what he was after. I told him it sounds like its the affection you are after not so much the sex. we had a good chat over a few games of pool and he came up with a plan of attack that he was going to give a 6 month trial.His plan was in irregular intervals over a two week periodbuy her flowersgo to the moviescook her dinner Over a weekly period compliment her as often as he could remember. And once a month Take her out on the town Encourage her to head out wither friends They are so happy together and from an outsider looking in are Very much in love...
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MissBishere
12 years ago
I spent years repressing my sexuality and refuse to anymore. No sex = no relationship of any kind for me. When sex is great it is 10% of the relationship. When sex is bad it is 90% of the relationship. - Posted from rhpmobile
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sweetgem
12 years ago
If I was with a man who would only want sex once in a while, or would only have sex because I wanted it. Why? Because I have an active sex drive and do not want to pretend that I can put up with living in a sexless relationship. Haven't there been too many threads in the Forums made about cheating, because people are living in a sexless relationship/marriage?! I'm against cheating, so I rather let go and find my next hope. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
While there is no doubt that sex becomes extremely important when you just don't get it let me put it this way..... If your partner of several years got ill and because of this illness could no longer perform sexually... would you leave them? You have known all along that this person had a low libido. It was fine at the start. Didn't bother you then or maybe you thought things would get better. Living in a fools paradise maybe? If the low libido has not been an issue for several years why is it an issue now? - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
That you would think that you would find out about someone's sex drive, or lack thereof, well before the two year mark... And yeah, I would not have a relationship with someone who had a low sex drive... I'd probably scare the shit out of them anyway. 😎
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tamworthguy46
12 years ago
Gee Even Dr phil says sex is so important In a Relationship...in bringing two people together, to make time etc .....but yeah the pressures of life can make people cycle in and out hornyness... it really depends on how much you value the relationship to what you will put up with......In the later stages of my marriage I would get the guilt trip put on me, Like all you want to do is fuck me, which wasn't true......and If I would back off to try and be respectful...I would get , why don't you want to fuck me anymore...which was really just another part of the mind games, and mental abuse that I suffered from her. Anyway, the moral to the story is, two people Committed, and or in love, will find a way to make each other happy, in every aspect. Love and peace Tam
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'Add1two' I don't think I would But one of my best friends confided in me a few years ago and I gave him this advice. I felt I had something to offer as I was once in a simular situation My mate complained that he gets no sex from his wife. Then I hear his wife saying at a party she doesn't want sex because he is always asking for it.My mate tells me when he does get sex its like she just gives in and wants it over with ASAP so he wants more sex because it wasn't what he was after. I told him it sounds like its the affection you are after not so much the sex. we had a good chat over a few games of pool and he came up with a plan of attack that he was going to give a 6 month trial.His plan was in irregular intervals over a two week periodbuy her flowersgo to the moviescook her dinner Over a weekly period compliment her as often as he could remember. And once a month Take her out on the town Encourage her to head out wither friends They are so happy together and from an outsider looking in are Very much in love... and very much the crux for a lot of relationships. I think sometimes our relationships need a slap in the face for taking the other for granted and letting the fun stuff go by the wayside. It does travel into our psyche when are not thought of desirable and then our sex lives. I do agree too with the hormone thing too, touch wood it is not something I have had to deal with at any stage in my life so far but it can be addressed rather than sweeping it under the table.
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RHP User
12 years ago
No I can see beyond that Nice post Tamworth Guy
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RHP User
12 years ago
OP that you have "'been going out" with this woman who is "'really nice" for a few years.You don't say that she is someone that have strong feelings for,it sounds to me like a friendship.Perhaps you need to discuss with her the nature of your relationship.....ask her if she would be happy to just be a friend but that you need more than that,so you will be seeing other women.....and if you are already on RHP,perhaps that is what you are already doing.xx Q
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RHP User
12 years ago
I think at 57 Perthangler is unsure if he will find someone else and therein lies for him a fear of loneliness. Some people are I believe they call it A sexual and really have no desire or interest in sex and who would want to have sex with someone who was just doing it because they had to. I'm not sure what answer you want us to give you. I am sorry about your situation Tammworth guy but I think the saying you only touch me when you want sex rings true and add1two suggestion was indeed treating her in a way that will encourage a happy situation where the woman does not just become yours to have when you want, unfortunately I am aware of that situation.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'tamworthguy46' Anyway, the moral to the story is, two people Committed, and or in love, will find a way to make each other happy, in every aspect. Love and peace Tam
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RHP User
12 years ago
I ended a relationship for that reason I was frustrated and snappy .. I took it out on the people around me as I find sex as a great stress relief .. He would ask me what he can do to put a smile back on my face and I told him he needs to fuck me more and stop turning me down everytime I ask .. It got 2 much one day and I had had a few drinks he said no so I went for a walk down the street to a old FB who I knew would give it to me .. Fucked him walked back home in my pj and got back into bed with him .. I'm not proud of it but that itch needed scratching - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
everything is worth saving, when most is great in a relationship. However I came to the conclusion, we have only one life to live, so be honest and talk about our desire for sex in a truthful manner. Talk with each other, then come to a conclusion......be honest with her, and ask her to to be honest to you, maybe there is something she doesn't like but didn't have the heart to say......so many women are taught to make the men happy by pretending he is the stud, you don't know what is in her mind, most of us have never spoken out loud what we desire in sex.....so many fears it is " bad" to tell the male what we don't like. So try saving what is good before you jump onto something what will maybe not be what you deep down want.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Shit what I'd do for a cuddle :)
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RHP User
12 years ago
BINGO!!! It matters not we would do, as we are not in your shoes. The question you should be asking, is if this isn't something you can accept, then what are you going to do about it?? - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
My partners the same he has lost his sexual interest in pretty much all ways doesn't wank doesn't have sex doesn't watch porn lol it was like a lightswitch it just.. Went out. We have the occasional sex/fondel and still cuddle at night.. He's 23-24.. I love him and he loves me so now what lol.. He says it will come back, so I'm just waiting.. Hence why I'm here.. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
My hubby has a low sex drive, well almost non-existent, I found my way to this site and it really doesn't matter now!
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RHP User
12 years ago
She just isn't into you the way you to her.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Are to her.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Bettie Arndt has written some excellent books on this topic! “The Sex Diaries” is a VERY enlightening read – for anyone. Natural libido covers a wide spectrum but judging someone’s suitability as a partner based on drive can be trickier than you think. The excitement, thrill and hormone rush early in a relationship can elevate libidos to give the impression of a good match. This effect could last several months or years before subsiding to the “true” level. Also illness, injury or a major life changing event can cause a major shift for either partner. To illustrate simply though, approx 80% of men have naturally high drive, compared to only about 20% of women. So based on random luck only ~16% of relationships will end up with both partners having a similarly high libido. These relationships often endure and maintain “wild and vibrant” sex lives characterised by bouncing off walls and swinging of ceiling fans well into old age. Also around ~16% of relationships have partners with similarly low libidos. These relationships also tend to endure with dull or non existent but contented sex lives.For the vast majority of relationships (~64%), the man’s natural drive is significantly higher than his partner's. Sometimes these relationships end badly after years of chronic frustration. Occasionally, a wife will continue to provide sex through obligation, or to maintain an otherwise healthy relationship. Most times men simply suffer in silence and endure a miserable existence for the rest of their days, unwilling or unable to tear themselves away through fear or obligation.In the very rear occurrence (~4%) where a high drive woman partners with a low drive man, they always end very abruptly. From you point of view, you have a couple of choices – continue on and risk a lifetime of suppressed misery or things ending badly; or exit in a controlled and friendly manner and move on. Me, after 22 years, I chose the latter..... Good luck!Rocky
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