M45
Compliment her on the street - is this a dead art form?
March 07 2016
Comments
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RHP User
10 years ago
Females (particularly younger ones) now a days see a compliment as a form of harassment. So yes pretty much dead. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
and so is our response to it Sometime I think women are our own worse enemy Each day I shower, apply skincare, a little makeup, do my hair and wear what I think is nice and appropriate for the day and when I'm working, full on corporate. I try to appear pleasant to the eye. Occasionally a family member may comment positively on the way I look or if I smell nice or a gf might, but rarely does a male, not even a male colleague and I believe it is because they are simply too scared to do so in this PC world we find ourselves inhabiting And isn't that a shame ? We can't even make a nice random comment on ones appearance without upsetting the HR department or the receiver of the compliment. We are being conditioned not to receive anything without suspecting an ulterior motive I recently received a compliment when filling my car up at the petrol station. When I paid my money, the attendant said to me "nice abs". I had been for a run on the beach and had a crop top on, dirty trackies, cap, mussed up hair and stinking of sweat. I got all flustered and dipped my head and mumbled "Oh no, I look like shite" or something like that, and took off in a hurry. He was just being nice, and yet I felt the need to apologise for how I looked. I did look like shite but he obviously saw something he liked. It was such a automatic response too, its like I was conditioned to say it. Can I take a compliment ? Yes, but apparently only when I think I'm compliment worthy eg: dressed up to the nines I'm not condoning this lady's response. She should have just smiled and thanked you, but maybe she was all flustered like I was, not used to compliments from a complete stranger and didn't feel compliment worthy. I do think it was a nice thing that you did, nowadays that does take some front, given what I've written above. And I'm glad you said your parting shot. Next time, a random someone says that to me, I will graciously say thank you and smile. Who knows where it may lead ?. .
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RHP User
10 years ago
I once had a second thought about complementing a woman on the street about her amazing hair and chose not too. I posted about on RHP and the overwhelming response was that I should've spoken up.No regrets, I still reckon I would've got frosted as you did.
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RHP User
10 years ago
that some people seem to have lost the ability to communicate in person. The woman you complimented may belong to the new generation of the mobile savvy but in real life have no idea how to relate to others and are actually shocked when people talk to them...lol Anyway keep up the positive energy... it will be returned with a nice smile and thank you eventually! LG
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nattyocean
10 years ago
I was taught from a very young age by my mother and family that if someone pays you a compliment then it is the height of rudeness if you disagree with them or ignore them. Regardless of how wrong or inaccurate you might believe them to be ☺️ I've become very good at accepting compliments these days and will do it with a big smile on my face 😆😀😊 - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
but not so much on the street. In the gym, supermarket, a shop, school etc so long as he or she looks approachable. I'm not trying to bang them or anything, I just really have an appreciation re appearance and like to make one feel good if possible for the effort they have put in. Most are pretty receptive and I've only had a cold shoulder a couple of times, so presently, still worth the ROI lol
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RHP User
10 years ago
AmericanCBD...... I'm prepared to accept that I may be wrong, however, going by your response to how she took your random compliment, and that response includes thinking about it sufficiently to write about it minutes/hours later in here.....I'm thinking..... it wasn't so random and that you hoped for an outcome suitable to you. If it was just a simple compliment without expectation, it's a little bit brittle and ego-bent to mutter "to the next guy..." Etc. If your compliment was truly without expectation of an outcome, you wouldn't be so bothered by her negative response, because after all..... you started your topic by telling us how positive your energy was....... So a negative response shouldn't make s difference if you weren't seeking a certain outcome. Now, all that said, I DO like to give one person each day, a total stranger, a genuine compliment with no purpose other than to make their day a little brighter. How that take that is up to them, not me. I don't think we've forgotten how to accept a compliment per se..... we readily accept them from people we know and trust. But we've learned through experience that when someone we don't know and trust yet offers us sugar, they're often trying to gain something from us by offering it.
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RHP User
10 years ago
If some one said that to me I would thank them as you never know they could end up being that one.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'SO_SO' I once had a second thought about complementing a woman on the street about her amazing hair and chose not too. I posted about on RHP and the overwhelming response was that I should've spoken up.No regrets, I still reckon I would've got frosted as you did. please don't give up complimenting women as many of us appreciate your effort and will respond. Same thing has happened to me though when I have spoken to men in the street, supermarket, public transport or wherever - the response has merely been a blank face. Not even a smile.It made me think about giving up speaking to/complimenting strangers however if we all gave up it means a further breakdown of communication and would seem like the human race is giving up on itself.Let's NOT do that.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Yes it's a dying practice as is holding the door open for people (not just women) and freely giving up your seat for somebody on public transport. Been with my partner for over 5 years and I still open the car door for her and tell her she looks pretty everyday. It's inly dying because people are letting it, I've had people refuse to take the seat when I've offered it so I just stand and leave the seat free and people just look at them oddly. I have manners and fuck you if you don't like them. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
She missed out on experiencing a moment of delight. Perhaps she hasn't yet learnt to differentiate between the genuine compliments and the sleazy self serving versions of one as yet. Best if you just accept that she didn't read you right. Women DO get harassed and attacked and put down so sometimes you will be met by wariness. It is quite natural.
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RHP User
10 years ago
When I first came to Brisbane from Melbourne I kept wondering who people were saying hello to..smiling at even. It took me a while ,but then I figured out that people here were much more open less guarded. I get complimented often,usually by little old ladies in the supermarket ,😀and when I smile at someone during the day they almost always smile back...I live in a friendly village,there is a resort here and I can always tell when the big city unsmiling people walk past...So just keep on doing what you are doing,American CBD but don't expect a thank you xxFreya
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TakingMyTime
10 years ago
I always will pay anyway whether male or female a compliment even if it is the cologne or perfume they wear or how they look n I think it is received well but then it is coming from a woman so may not be seen as harassment which is not the intended form Sometimes though I think the guys I have seen over the last 2 years when I pay them a compliment it goes to their head and they think they are gods gift to women lol stupid me hey - Posted from rhpmobile
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scubaboy69
10 years ago
Quoting 'ChiChi05' I recently received a compliment when filling my car up at the petrol station. When I paid my money, the attendant said to me "nice abs". I had been for a run on the beach and had a crop top on, dirty trackies, cap, mussed up hair and stinking of sweat. I got all flustered and dipped my head and mumbled "Oh no, I look like shite" or something like that, and took off in a hurry. He was just being nice, and yet I felt the need to apologise for how I looked. I did look like shite but he obviously saw something he liked. It was such a automatic response too, its like I was conditioned to say it. Yes you can make us speechless in awe dressed-up for a special night out looking absolutely perfect, but you girls will never look at yourselves the way that us guys look at you when you catch our eye. Sometimes when you think you're at your worst in appearance, you're at your best. Why? because we see who you are underneath, no make-up, no heels, scruffy hair, scruffy whatever you're wearing (or nothing at all!) and when you're like that and you catch our eye, it's not how you look that us guys see. It's you.
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DynamicCouple36
10 years ago
Perhaps she was having a bad day ? Perhaps in the past she has had guys making disrespectful comments about her and so she chose to ignore you ? The same happens on here . Many women / couples get lewd & disrespectful messages and then tend to ignore all guys or at least be very wary of them . - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
a lady i was seeing for a while met her second husband there sitting down having a break her offered to share his chocolate bar with herand as they say..the rest is history and three kids laterDon't stress to much you just happened to of chose the wrong day or lady
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MissBishere
10 years ago
People will ultimately do what they want. You can't control their reponses. I do think if you are only saying it to get a response then you are doing it for the wrong reasons. for me a genuine compliment will always bring a smile and a blush and a thank you. I miss the days of the good ole wolf whistle.
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RHP User
10 years ago
at risk of sounding old and bitter, but lots of people seem to be taught that anything that is uninvited is a person being a "creep", and that anything that makes them feel in the slightest bit uncomfortable is "harassment". Why a compliment makes them feel uncomfortable, I don't know - when people like chichi downplay a compliment, I just read that as being humble, rather than the creation of hardline feminist media seeing tame compliments as anything from a microaggression to some form of mental sexual assault (Clem Ford I'm looking in your direction). If someone 'talks me up' about something I'll tend to say thanks but downplay it or deflect, I think it is just a normal part of the Aussie psyche that says we downplay it - nobody likes a braggart :) I think unfortunately if you want to pay people compliments, the rule of thumb is much like the rules for making something "not sexual harassment" i.e. "be attractive". IMO there are parallels with someone saying "bless you" when you sneeze. Neither party necessarily derives any benefit from it, you didn't ask them to do it for you, they're not obliged to say it for you, but politeness says we should say "thanks" and maybe a smile. It takes no meaningful effort, and neither party should be under any further obligation to continue discussion if they don't want to.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Summer_solstice' As far as ChiChi saying the woman the OP talks about should have smiled and thanked him: I don't think any woman owes a stranger anything, nor "should" she react a certain way. Of course that goes vice versa too. You telling her what she should say to the next guy doesn't sit well with me. Reminds me of the guys that tell women on the street to smile. As some have pointed out you don't know what else had been going on with her before you spoke to her....also because women do get harassed on the street they can become defensive to any sort of random approaches and comments from men. Maybe keep some of those things in mind. Also, as Missb pointed out if you're only giving compliments for the expected response then it's something you're doing for your own benefit, and expecting gratification from complete strangers is never going to be a sure thing for a million reasons.
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IamMrSilly
10 years ago
Hi OP, I read this post and cringe at the way she probably felt! Receiving a compliment so direct from an unexpected stranger is confronting and embarrassing... that is how I would respond if someone did that to me. in shocked silence, unable to reply. Stunned. Wondering if I should know them, why did they say it? Don't say it is about being shy. I am not shy, but I still react to that situation exactly as you described. Not that I get compliments on the street! :) I know the feeling well, it directly draws up the flight or fight response of confrontation, a stressful event. Uncomfortable, not something you would thank someone for causing. Not everyone is the same, and your follow up comment would have hurt even more. You directly criticised her for her inability to reply, questioning how she handled herself... from a stranger? why would you do that? We are not all the same, do not think the same and rather than confronting her you would have been well served to gently apologise for the confrontation as your intentions were genuine... method startling and confrontational.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Never waste the opportunity to compliment; lest you loose the power to value and no longer willing to observe with appreciation.... Appreciation is a gift for you to savour. As well as a buzz for another. (It's the sleezy learning and demeaning remarks that some pose as compliments that have made some of us weary of a strangers comment.) I recall once. Walking on Brunswick street. 20yrs old. Feeling great. In love with life when an elderly lady stopped me. Looked at me directly in the eyes. And with utmost sincerity and warmth said. You are absolutely beautiful.! It was a rare moment but what it taught me is how a well delivered compliment is generosity. Given freely. Without any motive other than to tell someone that "you are noticed, valuable, a momentary delight and I'm benevolence... I want you to feel great" .... So compliment... - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
Sorry... Suppose to say *sleezy leering And In benevolence - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Adelaide3some' I've had people refuse to take the seat when I've offered it so I just stand and leave the seat free and people just look at them oddly. I have manners and fuck you if you don't like them. that you're not doing those things out of an actual desire to help people, but rather so that you can be recognised and praised for your actions. If people don't take you up on your offer - and you have no idea the reason why they refuse - it seems that you want to punish and shame them ...which seems petty and vindictive rather than an example of 'manners'.
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RHP User
10 years ago
The feminist argument might be about the motivation behind the compliment..xxFreya
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RHP User
10 years ago
for not accepting a compliment isn't very complimentary. Yes, I do believe a lot of women are defensive about receiving any sort of compliment, but I also notice that many many men have no idea about how to give one properly. I reckon I'd be flinching too if I was a woman in this day and age. Sad, really, but true.
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sweetgem
10 years ago
Still went about your way if the lady in question said thank you and smiled back, AmericanCBD? 😛 As far as I know, some pretty women do not like to be told how beautiful they look because, some see their pretty looks as a burden and wish that they don't look this good. There are a number of reasons why some pretty women don't like to be complimented on their looks/style and each one of them hold their reasons differently. So, I do not know why the lady in question didn't thank you for your compliment AmericanCBD, but knowing that pretty women do carry some kind of mental burden, please do not take it personal and accept that some people do concern for their own safety due to previous experiences. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
Not much one can add that has not been said. There is no conceivable way to work this one out, people are all different, some out there, some very inward. Some social, others not so etc. Maybe this lass has been hit on way too many times after a compliment. I don't really see the issue with the non-acceptance for as Misheviouslad said a compliment isn't given to gain a response. You may have just made her day but snuffed that out with your come back. Times may have changed a hell of a lot but the issue of whether one responds to a compliment or not will always exist. And don't let the lack of response stop you from complimenting others. It's a wonderful trait to have.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'S_OnTheLoose' I think unfortunately if you want to pay people compliments, the rule of thumb is much like the rules for making something "not sexual harassment" i.e. "be attractive". I consider the underlying insinuations of this sentence to be incredibly ignorant and offensive.
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RHP User
10 years ago
If someone said that to me Id say thank you and feel good all day. Last week an Italian woman came up to me and said I looked lovely in my dress. Two evenings later a young guy complimented me by going down on his knees and singing to me. I said thank you to both. I compliment people all the time. If it isnt offensive then its a lovely gesture.
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RHP User
10 years ago
I often internally berate myself for not saying something when I think that a compliment is warranted. Still a bit shy in that department. And when I have given a complete stranger a compliment, I don't hang around. It is just a quick comment and then I continue on my way. It easier that way, because the receiver doesn't get put on the spot to respond. If they are quick enough to get out a thank you, then I will politely respond, but keep walking...making it very clear that it wasn't a pick up attempt. On a tangent...working FIFO, I live with thousands of rough as guts construction workers. But this is my home 80% of the time and I decided...stuff what anyone thinks, this is my home and I am going to dress for me. So I typically wear bright clothes and generally look a bit like a hippy. I expected to get harassed with...you a poof or sumtin? And while I certainly get plenty of long looks..the feedback was the opposite. Lot's of guys compliment me with ...love the T-shirt..or great pants man. And it gives you a lift. Although it seems that guys are more comfortable complimenting other guys than they are doing so to woman. Odd. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Summer_solstice' Quoting 'S_OnTheLoose' Why a compliment makes them feel uncomfortable, I don't know - when people like chichi downplay a compliment, I just read that as being humble, rather than the creation of hardline feminist media seeing tame compliments as anything from a microaggression to some form of mental sexual assault (Clem Ford I'm looking in your direction). If someone 'talks me up' about something I'll tend to say thanks but downplay it or deflect, I think it is just a normal part of the Aussie psyche that says we downplay it - nobody likes a braggart :) I'm missing the connection? I think the downplaying of compliments can have a lot to do with being shy, or like LD said: lack of self esteem. (Been there).I don't quite get where the feminist media's ideas fit into it. you might not read as many SMH Daily Life Clem Ford articles as I do :-) The're almost all painful smouldering wrecks IMO - you want to drive on by, but you just have to look, and once you've looked it stays with you in some way, gnawing:p (I think I also left out some joining words in that post right after "humble", I just rushed that post out) I didn't mean to suggest that being humble or the prevailing cultural tendency to be self-effacing were the only reasons - but absent other information, I tend to think the simplest/least malicious/most common explanation is the one to reach for first.I also did not mean to exclude any people with doxophobia, so I hope anyone with that doesn't feel excluded either. Quoting 'Luck_Dragon' Quoting 'S_OnTheLoose' I think unfortunately if you want to pay people compliments, the rule of thumb is much like the rules for making something "not sexual harassment" i.e. "be attractive". I consider the underlying insinuations of this sentence to be incredibly ignorant and offensive. though I wasn't intending it as an exhaustive and technical treatise on the actual rules of sexual harassment, what did you think I was insinuating? IMO that saying is a truism (and I also don't think it does anything to diminish or distract from the seriousness of sexual harassment - it speaks specifically to the welcome/unwelcome nature of what constitutes harassment) Backtracking a few posts: Just going to suggestions that the lady doesn't "owe" someone anything. I "agree, but..." and I wouldn't be chasing someone down to tell them I thought they weren't polite, but... as an alternative to the sneeze/bless you example, what about when you hold a door open for someone and they walk through without any thanks. Do you think it was impolite or do you think "eh, my choice to hold it open they owe me nothing"? Does a smile/thanks/nod/wave count as such significant effort to be a significant cost/burden on the person (particularly when compared to the social importance they carry - people are always getting annoyed over small lapses in polite behaviour. Look at how often people get annoyed when they 'let someone in' on the road and the fucker doesn't even wave. (Yes, I know that in aggregation if you were genuinely constantly being required to say "thanks" it would constitute a significant burden of effort. But, is it happening THAT often in the street that it's a burden?) I don't think you "owe" anyone anything unless they performed something that was requested by you, but can you remove the concept of "owing someone something" from whether it is rude/impolite to omit a certain response to something? e.g. hark back to the "unrequested and unthanked holding of the door".
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RHP User
10 years ago
Maybe next time it happens don't blurt shit out.Just say "Hello", if she says Hello back then perhaps say something else to add to it, but if she doesn't say Hello back then say nothing, she obviously doesn't want to talk to you. Saying Hello is simply common civility.Like please, thank you, have a nice day, excuse me and other gestures of common civility.Its simply to acknowledge the presence of others. But compliments about other appearance or flattery etc is not just being civil it is attempting to engage people and for the purposes a guy complimenting a women on her appearances is a pick up line through and through and she saw it as that..coming out of nowhere from a guy she has not even so much as said Hello to makes it a corny introduction line to boot. Every time I see pretty women I just say "Hello", nothing more.They nearly always say Hello back and smile, some just smile, others don't acknowledge it but not often. On the odd occasion some say Hello how's you day or something like that and we exchange a few words but I still wouldn't go to the degree of commenting about how they look.And a few times they have replied "Hi sexy" when I was younger and buff. But in each case just saying Hello never gets you in any trouble with anyone and from that you can gauge their response and not go blurting shit out they didn't want to hear and finding out they didn't want to hear that after the fact as in this case. And reading your post I cant help suspecting the reason you said something to the other guy is because you though he over heard you get a knock back and you felt the need to redeem yourself by blurting out some grounds for offence.But to be honest if he did hear the knock back and what you then said to him he might have just thought you were a bit of a dick so nothing gained by doing that..
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RHP User
10 years ago
The important thing is the motivation behind the comment..and also the context. What was the OPs motivation in this circumstance.. He was walking past her. If they were in a bar..perhaps the perception might be that he was trying to pick her up ..xxFreya
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RHP User
10 years ago
ChiChi I agree with what you've said exactly. I tend to react the same way when it comes to compliments - especially if I think I'm not looking good. Some of us have self esteem issues (often as a result of past experiences with me) that make it hard to accept a compliment as genuine and yes some of us are conditioned to fob them off. AmericanCBD its a great topic for our current world. Firstly its great that you paid someone a compliment - keep doing it. And I agree with the others that one bad experience shouldn't put you off. I like to pay a compliment to someone because I like being positive, and lets face it, its nice to think that we might put a little pep in someone's step. But I only do it if its coming from a genuine place. "Pardon me. I just wanted to compliment your look and style. You look great today." But (and I'll probably get shot down) the particular words you used might have had me reacting the same way. Not saying its right or wrong - just giving you an opinion on my personal reaction. If someone said that to me I would think they were a bit odd. "Pardon me" is more of an old fashioned and formal greeting. I'm not trying to pick you apart btw. But my first thought when reading your compliment was "What does he want?" Is he trying to sign me up for a solar panel plan? etc. I've been trying to think of how the same compliment could be given but delivered a different way. Maybe "Excuse me, or morning! just wanted to say I think you look great day/I like your style" might have gotten a different response. The fact that you mentioned to her that you wanted to compliment her probably took her aback. Having said that - my personal experience weighs heavily on my reactions. When you've spent most of your life being manipulated or mistreated by men quite severely - it changes how you receive from men. I spent most of my life until recently thinking any man who wanted to help me, spend time with me or pay me a compliment was after something. Sounds ridiculous to most. But that was my reality for such a long time. I put walls up to protect myself - fight or flight. To put it in perspective - any time I saw a man approach under the age of 70 I was already wondering what he wanted before he opened his mouth. Like ChiChi I'm slowly starting to try and accept that it might be coming from a genuine place. S - yep holding doors open is a perfect example. No one owes anyone anything, but if I hold a door open and they don't acknowledge my existence I think 'What am I the door man?" ;) Luck - I don't think Adelaide meant that he offers a seat, is rejected but then stands up anyway to make an example of the person. I think he meant that he stands up and offers his seat, the person says no, but he just continues to stand leaving the seat open. If he feels that someone could use the seat more - I think it's lovely and doesn't happen often enough these days. It's slightly off topic - but the amount of heavily pregnant women and elderly people struggling to keep their footing on public transport, when theres teenagers or others that could make someones day is pretty large. Yes everyone has a right to a seat - they've all paid etc. I think generally, fewer people go out of their way for the more "old fashioned behaviour" a lot of the older generation were used to. Don't give up - but please don't think that just because someone doesn't turn to you, smile and say "thank you so much you've made my day" that they are a snob. They might have a pole up their arse, they might be a cranky bitter being, they might have just received some really bad news - or they might just be a little damaged.
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RHP User
10 years ago
I popped into the forums, and politely said: "To the next women that finds your attention unwanted, you just back off." *goes about my way* ["I crossed the street and politely said: "To the next guy that compliments you, just say 'thank you.'" I went about my way."]
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'SoftandCurious' Luck - I don't think Adelaide meant that he offers a seat, is rejected but then stands up anyway to make an example of the person. I think he meant that he stands up and offers his seat, the person says no, but he just continues to stand leaving the seat open. If he feels that someone could use the seat more I would partially retract what I said. To me though the "I have manners and fuck you if you don't like them'' is still pretty telling. As we've already seen on this thread, so many people expect something back for their compliment / gesture, and whilst it is of course nice to receive something back I think telling people off or saying ''fuck you'' if they don't indicates motives that are much more about personal gratification than genuinely wanting to compliment or help people.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Freya70' The important thing is the motivation behind the comment..and also the context. What was the OPs motivation in this circumstance.. He was walking past her. If they were in a bar..perhaps the perception might be that he was trying to pick her up ..xxFreya there's lots of evidence that OP was hoping the compliment would lead to something more. If not, why tie in his OP with talking about dating apps, and then end by saying ''So, I joined RHP at lunchtime.'' Seems he is saying that he had no luck picking up with that approach so he's joined RHP where he hopes he'll have better luck.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Good point. I obviously hadn't had enough coffee when I read the thread ;) I think there is always an expectation of receipt when you pay someone a compliment - whether it's because you like spreading joy or whether it's because you're on the hunt. But the the fuck you comment and the timing get of joining does suggest more than I thought 😀
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RHP User
10 years ago
Women in the attempt to be equal have killed partof the art of seduction and even a simple complimentcan get a guy shot down fast.The happy ever after is slowly dwindling as married andsingle is almost down to 50/50.I am far from old fashioned but as I see it we have lost so much as we may even lose the happy ever after and just meet for sex /random hook-ups.The older you are the worse it gets at least that is how it is for me as I get lots of sex but love eludes me to the pointthat I feel a loser.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Luck_Dragon' that you're not doing those things out of an actual desire to help people, but rather so that you can be recognised and praised for your actions. If people don't take you up on your offer - and you have no idea the reason why they refuse - it seems that you want to punish and shame them ...which seems petty and vindictive rather than an example of 'manners'. Hardly, it's not like I ask people to stare at them.I find it odd that people read into everything and put a bad spin on it like you just did, i'd imagine you would be one of those people that would find it strange that people have manners and do things without expectation. Each to their own.
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RHP User
10 years ago
going out of your way to impose a lesson of graciousness on someone is unwarranted.... The thing with compliments is that they are complimentary....you give them because you want to give...not to see what you can receive as a product of your generosity.... While it may be polite to acknowledge the intention/compliment, not everyone is.... As DG said, when you see their reaction isn't what you thought should've occurred, don't sweat it....it's small stuff to be losing your mood over.... - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
either/or - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
Some compliments are sleazy and some people are glass parched and empty and choose to be offended, I give compliments for my own sake to make me feel good, how you take it won't ruin my day.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'SoftandCurious' Luck - I don't think Adelaide meant that he offers a seat, is rejected but then stands up anyway to make an example of the person. I think he meant that he stands up and offers his seat, the person says no, but he just continues to stand leaving the seat open. If he feels that someone could use the seat more - I think it's lovely and doesn't happen often enough these days. It's slightly off topic - but the amount of heavily pregnant women and elderly people struggling to keep their footing on public transport, when theres teenagers or others that could make someones day is pretty large. Yes everyone has a right to a seat - they've all paid etc. I think generally, fewer people go out of their way for the more "old fashioned behaviour" a lot of the older generation were used to. Don't give up - but please don't think that just because someone doesn't turn to you, smile and say "thank you so much you've made my day" that they are a snob. They might have a pole up their arse, they might be a cranky bitter being, they might have just received some really bad news - or they might just be a little damaged. I don't need a thank you or even a smile although it goes a long way in this day and age to show manners in public.Maybe if more people tried it the world would be a little nicer everyday and people would be less inclined to think they have an ulterior motive. To the OP, complimenting people is a lovely thing to do but I get the feeling you where hoping for more. My partner said she would feel uncomfortable if a random person complimented her on the way she looks although she did say she would at the very least thank them. I'd personally be surprised if someone said I looked lovely today tattoo's, earrings & a shaved head tend not to get people staring and complimenting.
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RHP User
10 years ago
My motivation was simply to compliment. Not pick up. I've heard many women say: "Why don't guys ever come up and say hello?" Well, we don't because we fear rejection. And rejection is a very strong emotion... Now, I wasn't expecting acceptance or rejection from this lady... just a simple 'thank you'. Sure, maybe I surprised her. But her 'fuck off' look had to be commented on. If this is the app dating way in which women in the future will take compliments? Then many-a-man will be rejected harshly. And compliments / random hello's will cease. My 'To the next guy...' statement wasn't said in anger but rather with a smile. I won't change. I just hope she does.
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RHP User
10 years ago
if it was said to my wife. Not the hello or or the corney complement from some random guy - its that friggen follow up you gave. Say "hi" if you want. But if you don't get the response that you want, then suck eggs, keep your ego in check and get over it. Don't make the obnoxious and ego driven point of crossing the road and telling her how she should respond next time to your unsolicited judgement about about the way she looks. Things to consider - how many things were on her mind? How stressful a morning had she had? How much of a hurry was she in? Was she more concerned with the traffic? Or what about the millions of other possibilities or things going on in her head at that split second? Seriously! Next time consider something like giving a smile and a brief "good morning" on the way past and make it a true offering rather than something that comes with some kind of expectation or expectation of reciprocation. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'AmericanCBD' Sure, maybe I surprised her. But her 'fuck off' look had to be commented on. If this is the app dating way in which women in the future will take compliments? Then many-a-man will be rejected harshly. And compliments / random hello's will cease. My 'To the next guy...' statement wasn't said in anger but rather with a smile. I won't change. I just hope she does. Her look didn't 'have' to be commented on. Obviously you haven't taken in any of the points some people have made on this thread. I actually think your last sentence there is pretty telling. You don't know that woman from a bar of soap, you know nothing about her or why she responded like she did but you feel the need to judge and police her behaviour based on an interaction that lasted for a few seconds. Whether you said it with a smile or not is irrelevant. Also, are you in the habit of telling other men how to behave or is this something restricted to women? I'm also beginning to wonder if the interaction did happen in the way you presented it in your OP. It's not uncommon for people to present their stories in a way that puts them in a good light and the other person in a bad one. Good luck, because if you insist on continuing to tell people how they should behave based on your expectations, you're going to need it.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'AmericanCBD' My motivation was simply to compliment. Not pick up. I've heard many women say: "Why don't guys ever come up and say hello?" Well, we don't because we fear rejection. And rejection is a very strong emotion... Now, I wasn't expecting acceptance or rejection from this lady... just a simple 'thank you'. Sure, maybe I surprised her. But her 'fuck off' look had to be commented on. If this is the app dating way in which women in the future will take compliments? Then many-a-man will be rejected harshly. And compliments / random hello's will cease. My 'To the next guy...' statement wasn't said in anger but rather with a smile. I won't change. I just hope she does. I think.... you need to change. And here's why. Its clear that your preferred demographic, would be attractive, well dressed, women. Well.... quite a few of those kind of women have spoken up in your topic - and you think you know better than the people you seek. Said with a smile, or not.....to say anything at all like you did.....after her response..... does clearly show your intent, and that she bent your nose out of place. You couldn't leave it without having a stab as a parting word. That also shows a degree of petulance that contradicts the "positive energy" you say you breeze through the world with. There is a better way, and people have shown it to you.......but you prefer your way........and you told us how that worked out. So.... Im just going to wish you luck. DG
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RHP User
10 years ago
I'd probably wink back, and hit you up for a drink.... (well not specifically at 9am for the drink bit.) Generally though, it seems that the art of chivalry, romance and the ability to simply return a compliment with a bright smile and a thank you is truly a lost art. Blame it on the modern age - The internet killed romance!
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ImpressMeTemptMe
10 years ago
I believe most people would be happy to receive a compliment depending on how it is how it is offered/delivered. I don't discriminate and compliment both men and women as I see fit. I do find they are quite pleased when I say say something positive to them. I am more than happy to compliment on a fabulous outfit or on how wonderful they smell etc.. Don't be put off by one or two people that don't take it in the right vein, you are being a lovely person to say something in the first place. This world needs more of that. ~MissT
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RHP User
10 years ago
Your female so you are assumed to be nice, men are assumed to be on the sleaze.
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ocean_man
10 years ago
A compliment is a gift. If you expect a response in return it is not a gift, it is an opening line. So you are surprised she didn't respond to your witty charm. And then you lecture her on how to respond to strangers offering up opening lines. Get over your self.
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RHP User
10 years ago
If a guy would give me a compliment I would at least "re pay" him with a smile - provided I am not having one of those "Do not even look at me -I am anti antisocial today" day that we women are permitted to have once a month. I was in fact today flattered when a lovely guy helped me out in a moment of need at the supermarket today - when the stupid self service checkout machine would not want to take my 10AUD note because it had some beer spilled over it he graciously offered to exchange my worn note with his note for nothing else but a smile. A fortnight ago I had the pleasure of half an hour small talk with a complete stranger at the airport and he -of course- said that my lovely smile made his day. What is wrong with showing some courtesy towards the brave men who at least muster up the courage to get out from behind their computers and TALK to a stranger - a lady in public let alone complement her even if they want to "pick her up". She might say "sorry I am not available" but a simple "thanks" or acknowledgement via a smile is just courtesy isnt it? I certainly will try to do respond again with a smile - even on a day when I am antisocial.....sadly I don't go to Martin Place frequently...damn..
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RHP User
10 years ago
By getting upset you failed. I could totally be wrong here but it is a possibility not yet discussed.
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RHP User
10 years ago
These days I feel uneasy about giving a compliment so I don't . Shame , not the way I was bought up and in the days when you could we were always conscious not to be sleezey. These days I run with the smile and sometimes a wink . I find most ( not all ) females return a smile . Probally because they don't need to make conversation which sometimes can be a good thing.
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RHP User
10 years ago
I was just having a conversation with someone at work yesterday about how Aussie men in general do not like to pay compliments to the ladies. We both had Aussie ex bf's who never complimented us much. Now, I know why! I never realised how complicated we have things out to be! I think as long as a compliment is not a prelude to some sleazy overture, I love compliments! I happen to have several friends, both male and female, and they are very free with their compliments. I love that, and I return that goodwill with my own sincere compliments! In my various social circles, we freely compliment each other and I think it's a great habit to get into. It brightens up people's day and makes them feel appreciated. I did notice in Australia that whenever I'd compliment my colleagues or people I meet, a lot of times, they would look uncomfortable and cast me a suspicious, "What do you want?" look. Nothing! I want nothing back! Just one happy spirit appreciating something gorgeous about you and deciding to show you appreciation so that you might feel good in turn. I derive huge pleasure in complimenting people and won't let the few cynics I might bump into now and then spoil the goodwill.
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RHP User
10 years ago
unfortunately, my behavior isn't always friendly, I'm not mean as such, but the attention isn't very often welcome and it can be an invasion of privacy. I get sick of it, sick of dirty perves who sit in their car or hover close, change direction and pretend to be undecided about where they want to go. Some old dudes will check all their tyres lol anything just to have more of a perve, it's creepy and we're not public property. If you choose to give a compliment, from a man to a woman, that would usually be considered a come on, unless it's in a workplace I guess or someone you know a bit better, but a complete stranger/male stranger, it would 9 times out of ten, be a come on. That might be okay if she has returned glances or shows some kind of interest, otherwise, it's your choice whether to give the compliment, but you're not then 'owed' anything, my 2 cents Like some of the others have said, it's complimentary For the record, I will sometimes compliment women mostly for how good they look. I asked one young girl if she'd considered modelling, she is absolutely stunning, would rival the world's best I'd say. Then suggested to her I wouldn't be the first one to say that, and she said, no, she had been told that before, but she was very humble and a lovely girl. Probably best she stay out of modelling to remain that way lol but had she brushed off the comment and moved on, I would have understood, I said it because I wanted to, not expecting any particular thanks for it. As far as the 'fuck off' eyes/look, yes I do that often, but ask yourself the questiion, how many times in this person's day does she get unwanted looks/attention whatever and yes she might be busy, have a million things going through her mind. Look for some level of interest would be a good idea I think, or stick to complimenting men
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RHP User
10 years ago
I am of that age group that is you want to say something nice to someone you should, and not necessarily ask for anything in return. I have been shot down as well and I just move on and try to not let that color my next encounter, I am visiting Sydney on business and am looking forward to meeting open and friendly people while I am there.....or so I have heard:)
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RHP User
10 years ago
forgot to say, the cougar thing is the big problem for me in relation to who is giving the compliment, young great, older not so great. I need a sign to hang around my neck. Here's a thought, a device that senses interest from the other person. We could all wear one, it could send a message to our phone when we have a hit or play some crazy tune, mission impossible tune
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RHP User
10 years ago
compliment I got was, and keep in mind, English was his second language, but he said if I was a piece of jewellery, he'd buy me lol that was so sweet. Walking on the beach, he slid his hand down around my thigh and said things like that out of the blue. There were problems in some areas, but he said the most amazing things to me, kept telling me how amazing my body was and said if I was 20, I'd be his girlfriend haha sounded disappointed that I couldn't be his girlfriend, that just blew me away, from a 25 yr old guy. So, his compliments were well received but I was receptive to them, appropriate in the moment, that's the key thing
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RHP User
10 years ago
No one has obviously personally given her a verbal compliment. You should have just given her a thumbs up and said 'LIKE'. She would have been able to relate to that. But seriously i think some women would see it as some form of harrassment- to put it in a VERY broad feminist context, you wouldn't say to a man "dude you look sharp today!", so why do you say similar to a woman? Political Correctness and neo-feminism are ridiculously rampant in society these days, i still don't understand why people are so god damn offended by nothing now?? - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'I_touch_myself2' unfortunately, my behavior isn't always friendly, I'm not mean as such, but the attention isn't very often welcome and it can be an invasion of privacy. I get sick of it, sick of dirty perves who sit in their car or hover close, change direction and pretend to be undecided about where they want to go. Some old dudes will check all their tyres lol anything just to have more of a perve, it's creepy and we're not public property. If you choose to give a compliment, from a man to a woman, that would usually be considered a come on, unless it's in a workplace I guess or someone you know a bit better, but a complete stranger/male stranger, it would 9 times out of ten, be a come on. interest would be a good idea I think, or stick to complimenting men I guess it's all horses for different courses, no right or wrong. However, I'd take it as a compliment that someone wants to circle round in their car again and again just to have a 'perve' of you. I guess I'd hold the same attitutde if some random guy came up to me in the street, winked at me & told me I was cute. I try to remember that as each year passes, the beauty of my youth is slowly passing. There is going to be a time in my life when men will stop looking at me, giving me the eye and flirting with me. It's call old age, the age of being invisible. You are just no longer seen, acknowledged, it's going to be almost as if you have ceased to exist. And so, I try my best to be gracious these days when someone compliments me by the way I look or dress, fully aware that it's a finite part of my life. The same story applies, just as equally to men also.
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RHP User
10 years ago
too much of a good thing, then isn't a good thing, although I know my post sounded harsh, to put it in perspective, here's what happened yesterday. Old guy walking extremely slow in front of me, had seen me, and kept stopping, so did I because he just wanted me to get past him to check out my arse. Anyway, this went on right down the edge of a shopping centre. Turned out our cars were close, though I walked past mine because he was worrying me slightly, he then got his Ipad out of his car, wandered off a bit, stood out the front of a fast food place, I believe he was then taking pictures with it, or whatever, but was facing it in my direction. By this stage, a staff member I was talking to was also watching him and was concerned so ended up calling security. I left before they got there because I just wanted to get out of there, but that's not a compliment, it's an invasion of privacy and downright creepy. So I do understand what you mean, but some of these men hang around at the beaches and are a real worry. The hair stands up on the back of my neck sometimes. There's a difference between casually paying a compliment or just looking, being looked at is validating certainly, but when they go beyond that and practically stalk you, whole different story. I do respect what you're saying though. I've been invisible and that feels crap, but I just wish they'd sneak a look and go about their business, not be so creepy
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'I_touch_myself2' too much of a good thing, then isn't a good thing, although I know my post sounded harsh, to put it in perspective, here's what happened yesterday. Old guy walking extremely slow in front of me, had seen me, and kept stopping, so did I because he just wanted me to get past him to check out my arse. Anyway, this went on right down the edge of a shopping centre. Turned out our cars were close, though I walked past mine because he was worrying me slightly, he then got his Ipad out of his car, wandered off a bit, stood out the front of a fast food place, I believe he was then taking pictures with it, or whatever, but was facing it in my direction. By this stage, a staff member I was talking to was also watching him and was concerned so ended up calling security. I left before they got there because I just wanted to get out of there, but that's not a compliment, it's an invasion of privacy and downright creepy. So I do understand what you mean, but some of these men hang around at the beaches and are a real worry. The hair stands up on the back of my neck sometimes. There's a difference between casually paying a compliment or just looking, being looked at is validating certainly, but when they go beyond that and practically stalk you, whole different story. I do respect what you're saying though. I've been invisible and that feels crap, but I just wish they'd sneak a look and go about their business, not be so creepy There are a lot of assumptions made by you in that post Touchy, maybe the guy just wasn't sure where to go. If he really was trying to get a look at your arse, I am going to assume you were wearing those shorts where your arse cheeks literally show out the bottom because frankly, you are not so hot that guys would consistently go out of their way to perve on you otherwise. In which case you reap what you sow. Really it comes across that your only problem was that he was old, not that he was perving on you. You can't expect old guys not to want to perve. You are no saint in that respect either. You are not public property but people are entitled to look where they want in public and that includes at you when you are in public. Likewise people are entitled to take photos in public so long as there is no reasonable expectation of privacy so unless he had that ipad up your dress then he is entitled to take pictures. If you want to decide who gets to look at what, that is what private property is for. That said, I support you calling security if you feel uncomfortable and not always being friendly if you don't want to be. None of us can expect other people or society in general to entirely conform to our wants and needs and I think the OP needs to accept that.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'deepestpurple' Quoting 'I_touch_myself2' too much of a good thing, then isn't a good thing, although I know my post sounded harsh, to put it in perspective, here's what happened yesterday. Old guy walking extremely slow in front of me, had seen me, and kept stopping, so did I because he just wanted me to get past him to check out my arse. Anyway, this went on right down the edge of a shopping centre. Turned out our cars were close, though I walked past mine because he was worrying me slightly, he then got his Ipad out of his car, wandered off a bit, stood out the front of a fast food place, I believe he was then taking pictures with it, or whatever, but was facing it in my direction. By this stage, a staff member I was talking to was also watching him and was concerned so ended up calling security. I left before they got there because I just wanted to get out of there, but that's not a compliment, it's an invasion of privacy and downright creepy. So I do understand what you mean, but some of these men hang around at the beaches and are a real worry. The hair stands up on the back of my neck sometimes. There's a difference between casually paying a compliment or just looking, being looked at is validating certainly, but when they go beyond that and practically stalk you, whole different story. I do respect what you're saying though. I've been invisible and that feels crap, but I just wish they'd sneak a look and go about their business, not be so creepy There are a lot of assumptions made by you in that post Touchy, maybe the guy just wasn't sure where to go. If he really was trying to get a look at your arse, I am going to assume you were wearing those shorts where your arse cheeks literally show out the bottom because frankly, you are not so hot that guys would consistently go out of their way to perve on you otherwise. In which case you reap what you sow. Really it comes across that your only problem was that he was old, not that he was perving on you. You can't expect old guys not to want to perve. You are no saint in that respect either. You are not public property but people are entitled to look where they want in public and that includes at you when you are in public. Likewise people are entitled to take photos in public so long as there is no reasonable expectation of privacy so unless he had that ipad up your dress then he is entitled to take pictures. If you want to decide who gets to look at what, that is what private property is for. That said, I support you calling security if you feel uncomfortable and not always being friendly if you don't want to be. None of us can expect other people or society in general to entirely conform to our wants and needs and I think the OP needs to accept that. Well, how rude. So what are you saying I asked for it because of what I wear? And women of all shapes and sizes get looked at so where did I say he was looking because I was hot?? Screw you
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RHP User
10 years ago
I was worried for my safety, as was the staff member who called security. But whatever you reckon, you're attitude suggests you'll grow up to be just like him
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RHP User
10 years ago
deepest purple. This is the bit that I find disturbing, not to mention insulting, about your post "I am going to assume you were wearing those shorts where your arse cheeks literally show out the bottom because frankly, you are not so hot that guys would consistently go out of their way to perve on you otherwise. In which case you reap what you sow" I don't know how other women feel about this but that made the hair stand up on my neck
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RHP User
10 years ago
For is that we make the choice to give, only through expectation that stems from the need for validation from others? Or is it to give unconditionally and so self-validate with coming from positivity and the knowledge that our giving is pure. Our giving without expectation and having it received with for the least curiousity from another allows for compassion and understanding of where they may be at, should they not respond from positivity or at all. Each experience contains a lesson, does it not? Yet our perception enables realisation or ignorance. Am grateful you chose to both ask of yourself and of another, along with choosing also to express AmericanCBD....thanks. Nathan.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Whilst I agree that it's to be expected that people in public will look at others they find attractive / sexy (I do it all the time), it's when it strays into leering / ogling / harassing territory that it's not acceptable. Also, it doesn't matter what a woman (any woman even the ones I don't particularly like) is wearing, to blame the inappropriate actions of others on said attire is never, ever acceptable.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Im sure you didnt say "you were asking for it" but I must admit, if I walk to the Shopping Mall wearing denim shorts or a short summer dress, I get attention, even when my son is with me which is not so clever, but I think, ok, Im showing a bit of leg and men are men, they will perve. Its human nature. If I see a shirtless guy with shorts on, I perve, maybe longer than I should! Oh and I have seen you and you are pretty fit I must say
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'I_touch_myself2' I was worried for my safety, as was the staff member who called security. But whatever you reckon, you're attitude suggests you'll grow up to be just like him Why does it matter how old I am? This is essentially your whole point - He was old and unattractive and I don't want him so therefore he can't even look at me. You don't even really know he was looking at you, you have assumed this. There was no rape, no harrassment, possibly there was ogling. Yes everyone gets looked at, OMG, my point is that I am assuming that if a guy went out of his way to try look at your arse then it was hanging out of your pants. Maybe I am wrong, you didn't refute it, but it's no worse than your assumption about some guy quite possibly innocently doing his shopping. I'm pretty sure ogling and leering isn't illegal, maybe if it is repeated and can be defined as harrassment but it would have to be pretty extreme. Is it appropriate? Not really but I guess that's an opinion. Is it rude? Yes definitely. I find the extremely revealing clothing choices made by (typically) women to be inappropriate and even rude at times. But they are entitled to do it just as this guy is entitled to ogle. You can have a lot more say on who looks at you and how on private property where there is a level of consent on both sides.
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RHP User
10 years ago
very enlightening, but I wasn't talking about getting looks, big difference to being stalked and creepy behavior, unless you like that of course, then it's not, everyone to their own
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RHP User
10 years ago
Agree, harassment is never to be excused. But DP didnt say anyone was asking for it. Just pointing out that women will get attention when they flash a bit of flesh. Always have, always will do. I dont think I would report anyone who was a distance away from me taking pics on an Ipad, as I might be making a terrible mistake if I didnt know for sure it was me who was the focus of his attention. Reporting someone of harassment without proof could cause all sorts of trouble for an innocent party. We have to be so careful these days, damned if we do and damned if we don't.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'deepestpurple' I'm pretty sure ogling and leering isn't illegal, But just because it's not illegal doesn't make it acceptable.
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RHP User
10 years ago
I have a friend whose daughter was stalked....a whole world of difference to an old guy looking at you. You have no idea.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Kokoflamingo' Agree, harassment is never to be excused. But DP didnt say anyone was asking for it. Just pointing out that women will get attention when they flash a bit of flesh. the way he worded it is a bit iffy, that's why I originally liked the comment, but reading it again I didn't like his comment ''you reap what you sow''. That's getting into victim blaming territory. As I said I know people are always going to look, but when they do it in a way that makes people uncomfortable, that's when I have an issue with it.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'deepestpurple' Quoting 'I_touch_myself2' I was worried for my safety, as was the staff member who called security. But whatever you reckon, you're attitude suggests you'll grow up to be just like him Why does it matter how old I am? This is essentially your whole point - He was old and unattractive and I don't want him so therefore he can't even look at me. You don't even really know he was looking at you, you have assumed this. There was no rape, no harrassment, possibly there was ogling. Yes everyone gets looked at, OMG, my point is that I am assuming that if a guy went out of his way to try look at your arse then it was hanging out of your pants. Maybe I am wrong, you didn't refute it, but it's no worse than your assumption about some guy quite possibly innocently doing his shopping. I'm pretty sure ogling and leering isn't illegal, maybe if it is repeated and can be defined as harrassment but it would have to be pretty extreme. Is it appropriate? Not really but I guess that's an opinion. Is it rude? Yes definitely. I find the extremely revealing clothing choices made by (typically) women to be inappropriate and even rude at times. But they are entitled to do it just as this guy is entitled to ogle. You can have a lot more say on who looks at you and how on private property where there is a level of consent on both sides. You've just repeated your first post, suggesting I ask for it with what I wear. So what was the point of this post? I'll also rephrase growing up to be one, to just growing up
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RHP User
10 years ago
There's one thing I know for sure. The OP has gone..... probably to rise under a new profile, like the Phoenix out of the ashes of the PR bushfire that his topic became.
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RHP User
10 years ago
women with tits/arse exposed flaunting themselves in public I studiously ignore them ................ I feel like I'm being set up for a fail and I'm not playing that game. (key word there is flaunting ok ?) It gets really amusing when they are obviously pissed at being ignored.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Off to buy some more 'appropriate' clothing. Not being part of the trackie dak brigade, I'll have to buy a whole new wardrobe. I wonder if it's acceptable to show my shoulders, my jeans are a figure hugging too. Not to worry, I'll buy some 3 sizes too big, or maybe look for a caftan lol pfft
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RHP User
10 years ago
op has been gone for quite some time, but yes, probably popped up again
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RHP User
10 years ago
And how do you define flaunting? Good for you though, I respect your approach, or lack thereof haha
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting '50wetfigs' women with tits/arse exposed flaunting themselves in public I studiously ignore them ................ So do I, but only after I get in a sneaky eyeful.
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RHP User
10 years ago
you should be able to walk down the street naked and not feel unsafe, or threatened or harassed.Alas this does not seem to be the case as many men seem to think women are just begging for sex with them personally,and the more skin they show the more they want it. Oh if you do the nake walk I promise not to impinge on your personal space but I am going to LOOK.
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RHP User
10 years ago
is that these events occur in the mind of the victim(to use an emotionless description). So while someone leering, ogling, etc is considered rude, if it FEELS like more in the mind of the individual, then chances are it is, and must be assumed and treated as though it is. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
Always nice to have you share your thoughts, in my mind, no and here's my take. The creeps displaying this kind of behavior would agree with you, see the pattern?
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RHP User
10 years ago
"Leering" and "ogling" - "to look suggestively or flirtatiously". I "leer and ogle" a lot when Im out, at the beach, at the shops, at the Perth Glory games, if the young neighbour is gardening in shorts. Does this make me a creep? If so, Ill take the title. If guys want to check me out so be it. In a few years time they wont look my way. If they got in my space and I felt threatened, different story. But looking from a distance....no harm done.Stirry, are you still "ogling" my butt pic?
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RHP User
10 years ago
Obviously I need to simplify this a tad.....harassment, assault, and similar acts occur in the mind of the victim....therefore if you(the victim) believe you have been harassed/assaulted, then chances are, you have, and should therein be treated as though you have been assaulted/harassed. Where is there a pattern??? And which creeps are agreeing with me?? Cos I have no idea what your point is exactly?
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RHP User
10 years ago
Is perception..If the attention is unwanted and our perception is that you genuinely feel that you are being harassed,then you are..if you are the perpetrator of the perve or the ogle and the other person is clearly uncomfortable and you don't stop..Then that is harassment ..A moot point if they don't notice...oh and by the way,how a woman dresses is irrelevant,just another let"s blame the victim statement IMO ...the Victorians were shocked but titilated by the sight of an ankle..In the 20s women with short hair and short dresses were considered "fast"...and so it goes on,yadda,yadda, ...if I _touch was feeling uncomfortable or scared,and she sought support,why are you judging her for that.?Too many women don't make a fuss,three more women dead this week,murdered in Family Violence situations xxFreya
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RHP User
10 years ago
... never ever allow stalkers etc to see that you are cowering in fear. They prey on that. I have been followed and leered at before and have been in situations that frightened me. But I put on a calm poker face and take a deep breath before speaking so that my voice isn't shaky. I once had a man drive slowly in his car, tailing me. When I walked into a busy side street, he quickly pulled up alongside me and tried to chat me up, saying he thought I was attractive and he wanted to be "friends". Yeah, riiiiight. I wasn't even dressed provocatively! No cleavage exposed, no butt cheeks exposed (I never expose butt cheeks anyway). When I firmly said, "Thanks, but I am not interested." and walked on, he tried to convince me several more times before driving away. I made sure I didn't stop at my residence because I didn't want him to know where I lived. I think he gave up because he knew I'm not a helpless victim sort. Before the days of the Protective Services Officers on trains and train stations, everytime I had to take public transport at night after a long day's work was often scary because of the drunks / drug addicts and dodgy characters you can find on board the trains. I had to learn to never look timid and fearful and always project an air of confidence and think quickly on how to keep safe. Always be alert and be aware of your surroundings. My toes were shaking in fear and my heart would be almost jumping out of my chest but once you show fear, you are empowering these dodgy characters even more. Sigh... would've been nice to have one of you guys with me to protect me! When a man is unable to control his sexual urges, you don't have to dress provocatively at all to become an unwilling target. On two other occasions, I was dressed in a boring ol' shirt and pants with no cleavage / butt cheeks exposed and still, I got propositioned. I couldn't have looked scruffier! Unbelievable! Sorry, OP... your thread got hijacked! Back to compliments... Love them! Love to give compliments, and love to receive compliments! In my home country, we'd often praise each other, "Wow! You're dressed up to the nines today! Who are you trying to impress?" *wink! wink! and it was all in good fun and it enhances camaraderie and helps to create a jovial environment. I learnt very quickly here that when I complimented a male colleague, "Love your tie! It matches your shirt so well! You look really good today!" it can easily be misconstrued and I had to quickly clarify with a, "I'm not hitting on you! Just like your style!" Even when I praise the ladies, I have to quickly clarify with a, "I'm not a lesbian, I'm not hitting on you!" because some folks would respond with a weird look on their faces as if they are unsure how to respond. We have made life way too complicated! Praises and compliments with no ulterior motives, have become minefields!
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RHP User
10 years ago
Nice posts, thanks
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RHP User
10 years ago
Its the fact that in other posts, attention given by a hot young stud leads to a fuck on the beach. Old guy at the mall doesnt quite cut it. Sorry and Ill be blasted for this but thats how I see it. And its not a personal observation....there are many similar posts about receiving male attention that are positive. As Deepest Purple points out, when its someone that doesnt appeal to us we get all antsy about it. Im guilty.....young hottie chats me up and Im flattered. Old over attentive guy and Im not so flattered. But it doesnt make him a criminal.
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RHP User
10 years ago
My point is,regardless of age,gender,attractiveness,if the attention is unwanted then it is harassment ..for it to c ontinue then it becomes criminal ....xxFreya
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RHP User
10 years ago
But if it is age and being to old you are so wrongas many have said to me you give me what I needor even wow my first big orgasm.These are gals 19 to 50 so don't underrate a guy by his age plus , a man any age has sexual desire.But you see him as a dirty old man yet you are no spring chicken. Quoting 'Kokoflamingo' Its the fact that in other posts, attention given by a hot young stud leads to a fuck on the beach. Old guy at the mall doesnt quite cut it. Sorry and Ill be blasted for this but thats how I see it. And its not a personal observation....there are many similar posts about receiving male attention that are positive. As Deepest Purple points out, when its someone that doesnt appeal to us we get all antsy about it. Im guilty.....young hottie chats me up and Im flattered. Old over attentive guy and Im not so flattered. But it doesnt make him a criminal.
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RHP User
10 years ago
I actually fucked that guy twice on the beach that week, saw him again a few days later, that okay with you?
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RHP User
10 years ago
Miss Freya, I'm going to add to your comment to offer additional perspective. Anyone can approach another person.... and there really is nothing wrong with that unless there is an obvious sense of inappropriate-ness. How any initial approach is perceived is an individual thing based upon the recipient of that attention, and the nature of the approach made to them. So it's not the attention that's the issue, but the continued attention if unwanted. It becomes harassment once the recipient expressed their feelings of not wanting it either verbally or physically. It's a slight difference, but it underlines the nature more clearly I feel. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
Do men still pinch women on the arse in Italy ? I've never liked that idea, that is literally a physical assault !
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RHP User
10 years ago
I didnt say Dirty Old Man? I SHOULD have said, in retrospect, we are choosy who we receive attention from. Def not the age, I have a gorgeous 47 year old friend. Ok, a hot young guy is obviously looking you up and down, its flattering. A hot young guy stumbles out of a bar a bit worse for the wear and says "Nice tits darling" Not so flattering. So apologies for making a remark about older guys....the situation has more to do with it?
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RHP User
10 years ago
You can fuck as many randoms on the beach as you want, fill your boots? Well probably hear about it anyway. Whatever makes you happy
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RHP User
10 years ago
We can't talk about sex on rhp? Haha well that's just bad luck ladies isn't it, I'll talk about about it as much as I want to
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