M53
Shortest Jokes: Being surprised by something you already know.
February 10 2018
Comments
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RHP User
8 years ago
Anyone have a vegan joke? No...then pass me the PORK roast please i am hungry😂
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RHP User
8 years ago
Short joke: The shortest sentence is "I am". The longest is "I do". - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
How do you keep an idiot in suspense......? - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
... 5'2'' and can be pretty funny at times .
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RHP User
8 years ago
A bloke walks into a bar and says, “Fuck, that hurt.”
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RHP User
8 years ago
Where do you find a dog with no legs? Exactly where you left him
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RHP User
8 years ago
In a nightclub, loud music, guy asks a chick if she wants to dance, yells at her 'Would you like to dance?'. She says 'I wouldn't dance with you if you were the last man on earth'. He yells back over the music 'No I think you misheard me. I said you look fat in those pants' 😁
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RHP User
8 years ago
and the barman says..... 'why the long face?' Sarah Jessica Parker walks into a bar and the barman say's...................... LC.
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RHP User
8 years ago
More too follow. 😉 - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
"Do these pants make my butt look big?" He said... "No, it's the ice cream and cake every night after dinner that does that" No, I'm not that brave. 😛🙃😉 - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
A cow says to another. How about that mad cows disease? Who gives a shit I'm a helicopter says the other
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RHP User
8 years ago
When a woman says "What?" it's not because she didn't hear you. She's just giving you a second chance to change what you said the first time!
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RHP User
8 years ago
the useless piece of skin on the end of a penis? ... ..... ........ .........a man.
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MsSuperFoxy
8 years ago
How can you tell when a woman is about to say something smart? When she starts a sentence with "a man once told me". Ms Foxy
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MsSuperFoxy
8 years ago
Sperm is white and pee is yellow, so a man can tell if he's coming or going. Ms Foxy
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MsSuperFoxy
8 years ago
A good bar is like a good woman - liquor in the front and poker in the back. Ms Foxy
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RHP User
8 years ago
A polar bear orders at a bar, saying "can I have.... ...... .... ... ..... .... a beer please?" The barman says: "why the big pause?" (Paws) - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
That was going to be mine....... Plan B required: Two cows were standing together in a paddock, chewing grass and looking at cars. They do so for three hours in silence.One cow then turns to the other and says, 'MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.'The other says, 'Fuck ya, I was just about to say that!'
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RHP User
8 years ago
...dye their hair brunette? Artificial intelligence. 🙃😛🤓 - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
*Why did little Timmy fall off the swing? Because he had no arms Knock knock Who's there? Not little Timmy 🙊 - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
...and the elephant asks "Why do you have two breasts on your back?" The camel replies... "With a face like yours, I'd just shut up!" 🐪🐘 - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
What do you get if you cross a joke with a rhetoricai question? - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
Homeless.... - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
Just changed my Facebook name to 'No one' so when I see stupid posts I can click like and it will say 'No one likes this'.
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RHP User
8 years ago
Hahaha love it 👍
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RHP User
8 years ago
My pet rock is not doing well today... I think it is stoned
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RHP User
8 years ago
my maker when the time is right.I am Looking For... I do not get messages? But do get a lot of 'friendly' flirts which I appreciate. Peachy
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RHP User
8 years ago
I am Looking For... my maker when the time is right.
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RHP User
8 years ago
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs who can swim the English Channel? . Clever Dick!
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RHP User
8 years ago
Mary had a little pig she couldn't stop it gruntin' She took it for a walk down the lane and kicked it's f**k*n c**t in 😇
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RHP User
8 years ago
only time a guy can multi task is when he's watching porn, masturbating and watching the door at the same time
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RHP User
8 years ago
a woman 😊 But we're good at multi tasking, we could probably do the ironing and pay the bills while there 😉
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RHP User
8 years ago
Hogging the topic but your cow joke I loved. There's one my kids told me Knock knock 'Who's there?' 'interrupting cow' 'Interup...' 'MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Better spoken than in text, the interrupting cow interrupts by mooing loudly lol
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RHP User
8 years ago
The cow thing reminds me of a Gary Larson three piece 'The Far Side' strip. Was a big far side fan Cows are standing in a paddock as a car passes. The car gets over the rise of the hill and once out of sight they all stand up drinking coffee, smoking, drinking and chatting away nonchalantly
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RHP User
8 years ago
A joke, but worth including in a conversation in the right circumstances: 'He's root the hair on a barbershop floor' Well worth the wait if used correctly....
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RHP User
8 years ago
'HE'D root the hair on a barbershop floor' See? It's all about the timing....
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RHP User
8 years ago
A vicar, doctor and engineer are playing golf but get held up by players in front of them. The engineer gets a bit cranky and finally asks a passing greenkeeper what the hold up was. The greenkeeper replied it was a group of blind firemen who lost their sight saving school children from a burning building. After a moment of silence, the vicar said he would pray for them, the doctor said he would give the best eye treatment and the engineer said "Okay, but why can't they play at night?" 😀
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RHP User
8 years ago
Two nuns in a car and a devil jumps on the bonnet Driver turns to the passenger and says quick show him your cross Winds down the window and screams get off the bonnet ya feckin' mongrel
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RHP User
8 years ago
Who's the lazy doctor? . . . . . Dr Doolittle.😕
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RHP User
8 years ago
"It is ok to lose your shit sometimes because if you keep your shit, you'll end up full of shit and then you'll explode and there'll be shit everywhere. A shit storm. And nobody wants that."
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RHP User
8 years ago
"Knock knock""Who's there?""Dr""Dr Who?""Dr Who from channel two!"
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HungGent
8 years ago
.... one was a-salted 😂
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SirTwistopher
8 years ago
In the dark - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
Two nuns in a car, love it 👍
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egr2please69
8 years ago
Girls asks boyfriend if she looks fat in her jeans and asks for a compliment. Sharply he replies, your eyesight is perfect 😂😂🤣🤣 - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
... one turns to the other and says, "Dam!" - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
Did you hear that Hollywood is going to remake The Exorcist? Its about a mother who hires the Devil to get a priest out of her son! - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
A lady to doctor: "My husband has a habit of talking in his sleep! What should I give him to cure it?" Doctor: "Give him an opportunity to speak when he is awake!" - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
Last week at the gym I worked up the courage to ask a cute girl what her New Year's resolution was this year and she said "Fuck you". So, I'm pretty excited about 2018 - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
FUCK YOU! - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
How many nails in a lesbians coffin None its all tongue in groove - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
How many nails in a lesbians coffin None its all tongue in groove - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
NO
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Checker
8 years ago
What's the difference between marmalade and jam? You can't marmalade your co** up some bird's ar**. - Posted from rhpmobile
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Checker
8 years ago
Why did the wog not go to work? Because he was fully sick. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
You beat the shit out of it! 😂😂😂😀 - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
If you ever see a sign that says "Yard Sale" just keep on driving. They usually only have one yard for sale, and even then, it's covered with a bunch of junk ——- I don't usually tell Dad jokes but when I do... he laughs ——- What's the difference between a king hit and a 69? At least with a 69 you see the cunt coming. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
What do you call a Deer with no eyes? No eye Deer What do you call a Deer with no eyes and no legs? Sill no eye deer What do you call a Deer with no eyes and no legs and no penis? Sill no f*cking eye deer!
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RHP User
8 years ago
If a man speaks in a forest And a woman is not there to hear him Is he still wrong?
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RHP User
8 years ago
"You know what man I've got a parrot the parrot talked but it did not say I'm hungry so it died" RIP Mitch Hedberg, - Posted from rhpmobile
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SandeGiny
8 years ago
Because they arrrrrrrrre - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
Cos someone dropped a whopper!! M_D4 - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
Stationery shop moves.... - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
Guy in a sex shop looking at the blow ups, owner comes over "anything I can help you with?" Guy says "what are these like?" Owner replies "great but they go down a lot" Guys says "sweet, I'll take 2". - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
Disclaimer....no offence intended! Bloke comes out of his room puffing, flushed and exhausted, flate mate asks "what's up?" Bloke replies "blow up doll!" Flat mate responds "should have got the muslim one". - Posted from rhpmobile
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S_W_A_G_G_E_R
8 years ago
And woke up exhausted. - Posted from rhpmobile
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touchnlick69
8 years ago
Two nuns sitting in a bath.One says: "Where's the soap?"The other replies: "Yes, it does, doesn't it..." (Better said than read....)
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touchnlick69
8 years ago
What's the definition of nasal sex?Fuck knows.... (Better said than read....again....)
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DeanW
8 years ago
I think everyone has heard the philosophical thought “If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?” A variation on the theme; “If a man speaks in a forest an there is no woman around to to hear him, is he still wrong? - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?...... pregnant. 🎣 - Posted from rhpmobile
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QuiteExcited
8 years ago
What did the Rabbi say to the kiwi “Hebrew” - Posted from rhpmobile
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QuiteExcited
8 years ago
What did the Rabbi say to the kiwi “Hebrew” - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
How do you make a hormone Don't pay her - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
A duck walks into a bar Bartender says "We have a drink named after you!" The Duck says "What, Kevin!?" - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
Pirate asked "Were are my Buccaneers?" Firstmate replies «on the side of your head!" - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
Girlfriend likes sex in the ear...how do you figure that? Well everytime i try to stick my cock in her mouth she quickly turns her head 90 degrees... - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
Driving Etiquette: 1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if your gun's loaded and the roo's in your rifle sight. 2. When entering a roundabout, the vehicle with the largest roo bar doesn't always have the right of way. 3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape. 4. When sending your wife down the road with a petrol can, it's impolite to ask her to bring back beer too.
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X_Him_And_Her_X
8 years ago
Whats the latest Irish invention?? -Screen doors on submarines -wooden bbq's - ejection seats in helicopters How do you sink an Irish submarine? Knock on the door How do you confuse an Irishman? Stick him in a room full of shovels and tell him to take his pick. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
Mostly when looking in the mirror
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RHP User
8 years ago
What is the scientific name for Viagra? Micoxaflopin
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RHP User
8 years ago
You call it Thursday, I call it Friday eve...
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RHP User
8 years ago
But you'll never get it 😂 - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
That you just can't wrap your tongue around.
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RHP User
8 years ago
When the food packaging says 'serves 3-4 people....The fat controller laughed."You are wrong."
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RHP User
8 years ago
What did the Buddhist ask the hot dog vendor?...."Make me one with everthing."
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RHP User
8 years ago
What’s the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?....The taste
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RHP User
8 years ago
What did the green grape say to the purple grape?....OMG!!!!!!! BREATHE!! BREATHEEEEE!!!!!
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RHP User
8 years ago
What’s the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball?.....A guy will acually search for a golf ball.
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RHP User
8 years ago
What did the banana say to the vibrator?.....Why are you shaking? She’s gonna eat me!
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RHP User
8 years ago
What is a mouses’ favourite game? Hide and squeak! 😬🐭 - Posted from rhpmobile
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3SM_Events
8 years ago
What do you call an italian with a rubber toe? Roberto
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RHP User
8 years ago
Woke up and thought I was shipwrecked Hand on the mast with semen all over the place 😂😂 - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
Know why dogs cock their leg up against a treeTo kick their arse out of gear so they don't shit
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RHP User
8 years ago
Chicken watch TV......??? Because it like hentertainment! - Posted from rhpmobile
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TheNLMevents
8 years ago
I wasn’t particularly close to my dad before he died … which was lucky, because he trod on a landmine. I’ve decided to sell my Hoover … well, it was just collecting dust Crime in multi-storey car parks. That is wrong on so many different levels.
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RHP User
8 years ago
Quoting 'Meander' There's no "I" in Denial
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RHP User
8 years ago
gotta bite off the crust and suck out the jelly to get to the meat, mmmm!
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RHP User
8 years ago
How do you make a woman scream for hours after orgasm ? ...... Wipe your cock clean on the curtains !
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RHP User
8 years ago
I thought that was how you made her hit the roof!
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MsSuperFoxy
8 years ago
The swallow. Ms Foxy
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