F59
Cheating the solution with no end
April 22 2014
Comments
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madotara69
12 years ago
I am a mother fucker, and fuck the mother of our kids, just as much as this mother fucks me, fucken mother fucking is the best
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RHP User
12 years ago
I know that there are many triggers that set a person on the course of adultery and in some cases this is the lack of intimacy but I don't remember anyone suggesting that this is the only source of infidelity. The notion that anyone believes that a woman becomes "too tired after kids" and that this is "the generalisation of this thread" is a real stretch of the imagination. Is it possible that you are projecting a bit too much of your own experience into your comprehension of other posters' contributions? You are presenting a very specific scenario and insisting that it is the theme of this topic but that is not the case.Extramarital affairs are symptomatic of an unhappy marriage. The cause and validity of that unhappiness is unique to each case but it's both men AND women who indulge in extramarital sex.As for treating the lady in my life differently after the birth of our children, I can say indefatigably that I love Jennylee as much now as the day we married. She is the sexiest and most exhilarating woman I have ever met. The day I leave her will be the day that I die.
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madotara69
12 years ago
Just too prove a point, I'm gonna go fuck Tara right now.
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RHP User
12 years ago
My experiences differ to your claim that men treat their partners different after kids. At the risk of sounding like I'm having a pity party I'll share a story lol. I remember when my partner fell pregnant with our eldest. The words while she was pregnant were - and I realise it was mostly hormones but pertinent none the less - "don't touch me. Every time you touch me, my skin crawls and I just want to vomit!!" Post partem it was "I've been running around after 2 kids ALL day. All you do is sit on your arse in a truck...I just want to SLEEP!!" Which was fine of I was in bed with her more than one night a week. Yes I felt entitled. Yes I craved her touch. I wanted her. I wanted her as the woman I saw her as. While it doesn't bother me now, it sure as hell did at the time. But I disagree with your notion about how men treat their partners differently post natal. Or.... Perhaps I don't ?? Lol - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
Yes I'm definitely talking about my experience, but it's not unusual. The assumption that it's nearly always the woman withholding sex after kids that I'm arguing. Yep every situation is unique, I agree. I saw stats this week it's 60% men that stray & 40% of woman post kids specifically. So for sure, it's never just one way or the other. Like Stir said, I know that happens, but it also happens in reverse. I have spoken to guys that after watching their wife give birth have been sexually repulsed by her forever more, was it psychological guilt for the pain she endured? Or they see her as the nurturer/creator? I don't know. But there are guys out there that do treat their partners differently after birth, I was asking them why. Sorry, I mustn't have worded it well, I wasn't saying that was the case for everyone. Glad you didn't, Jennylee is a lucky gal by the sounds of it.
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RHP User
12 years ago
You crack me up Mado.
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madotara69
12 years ago
Quoting 'jensman1903' I know that there are many triggers that set a person on the course of adultery and in some cases this is the lack of intimacy but I don't remember anyone suggesting that this is the only source of infidelity. The notion that anyone believes that a woman becomes "too tired after kids" and that this is "the generalisation of this thread" is a real stretch of the imagination. Is it possible that you are projecting a bit too much of your own experience into your comprehension of other posters' contributions? You are presenting a very specific scenario and insisting that it is the theme of this topic but that is not the case.Extramarital affairs are symptomatic of an unhappy marriage. The cause and validity of that unhappiness is unique to each case but it's both men AND women who indulge in extramarital sex.As for treating the lady in my life differently after the birth of our children, I can say indefatigably that I love Jennylee as much now as the day we married. She is the sexiest and most exhilarating woman I have ever met. The day I leave her will be the day that I die. A nice feeling,hey j man
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RHP User
12 years ago
So it feels that people who dont cheat are foolish.........that they don't understand the hardship sexless marraiges entail. That this extra marital sex hurts no one escpecially if they dont find out. I'd be dreaming if I thought she wouldn't find out. People who cheat because of lack of sex in the marraige I propose this question to you ? Well I do have a hall pass, confirmed last night, cheating or not it is because of lack of sex. For how long?? How long must you have to sneak around? Hmmm sneaking around or being discreet? I guess for as long as it takes or as long as any affair lasts. It may be fine when you are young in your forties and maybe fifties. I have noticed a few older men in here looking for the sex lacking in their marraige. I didn't feel the need for extramarital sex back then. From what I see they are not successful. As you get older and the singles find there mates and leave you behind. Your pickings become slim. So far no success, I had a close encounter but she back pedalled out of my life. The divorcee dumped me because of my wife and my immense respect for her...she said so. So if you start to cheat when you are young because you dont want to break up the happy family: * what about as you age as your chances of finding a playmate lessen? Mrs Denials works in aged care & she tells me some women NEVER lose their libido as long as they live, so yes my chances do lessen but there's still a chance. My Mum now 92 got a new boyfriend after being widowed for the second time in her 70's. She out lived him too. * Did you miss the boat? I bloody well hope not, & I'm not about to give up either. There's a married woman out there who wants a lover like me, or maybe someone who is no longer married? *should you have left when you were young enough to find the sex partner of your dreams? No, & I'm not about to leave now either Mrs Denials still loves me a & I still love her. I also owe her a lot, without her I'm certain I'd be dead disabled or in jail by now. I'm going to do my best for her this Mother's Day
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RHP User
12 years ago
Corrie, Yes there plenty of generalisations but totally honest an open communication is what is sorely lacking for the most part as well. If only he could have said honestly why he couldn't be intimate with you when your telling him that you want him to fuck the shit out of you. Stir, if your ex could have said honestly what is making her draw away instead of saying something so cruel and shitty as 'your touch makes my skin crawl" ..... really who says something shit like that to someone they supposedly love!!! Or a guy who's retinas have been burned with the image after seeing their wifes vaginas strech and give birth but instead say I'm tired or some other crapola excuse instead of saying what's honestly the reason why they are having trouble being intimate. I could go on and on but if you have only met someone the stakes are low for laying out exactly what you want sexually but when you have been in a relationship for 10,20 years instead of thinking I have all that experience and knowledge about how to talk and interact with my partner so it should be easier .... It suddenly becomes high stakes poker where you can't say anything about what you want sexually cause you feel that the LTR partner will disown you, shoot you down in flames, shame or embarrassment or something stupid. lol Rant over
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RHP User
12 years ago
It suddenly becomes high stakes poker where you can't say anything about what you want sexually cause you feel that the LTR partner will disown you, shoot you down in flames, shame or embarrassment or something stupid. there are plenty of people that have tried to communicate and its been like the titanic Yes it does become that way, because humans have emotions. If I was a robot I could say, excuse me honey but do you mind if we never have sex again? well you don't turn me on. The fact that you are a great guy/woman who I do love is beside the point. I once told my x if you touch me again, I will start to scream and I will not be able to stop. I was at the end of my rope. My x would fuck me up to five times a day if he had the chance. Would come in when I was having a shower, and fuck me, would want a blow job every five minutes and it drove me fucking crazy. Especially when I was getting up to kids and working full time. He would wake me up to have sex, Yes kids do make a difference. A woman who works and raises a family is an exhausted woman. Just take a look at the average woman's work load. get up, make breakfasts, and lunches and throw in a load of wash, feed the dog , walk the dog , take the kids to school, dash to work and listen to crap all day at work. pick the kids up take them to sports or music. get the washing in fold it up put it away. organise the dinner , shop for food. do the fucking ironing. serve the dinner , walk the dog feed the dogohh yeah then help the kids with home work. do a bit of cleaning then ta da ! slip into sexy stockings and suspenders and give hubby sex three times a night...fucking women's lib , all I wanted to do was stay home, put a an apron on, cook and play tennis with the girls. besides all that, honesty we all get bored as shit with the same sex with the same person all the time. I know I do. That's why I like a few lovers on the go and I like my open marriage now. Same guy different rules as the second time around you have nothing to loose.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Open communication killed my marriage. Maybe I should have kept my mouth shut.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Lol keep it open..... Just keep it full ;) - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
I soon learnt, that it just is what it was. And that was.... Something I needn't worry about :) - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
I have a great hubby, great life and kidlets, but want to play too!
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RHP User
12 years ago
Being someone that has been cheated on. I would never do it. You are either with someone or not. If it's not enough you work at it. Especially when there are children involved and family bonds. My saying is: Life is a choose your own adventure book, you make a choice and live with the consequences. Unless your partner is physically abusive, a drunk, drugy, gambler or cheat, you work at it. Don't get others involved in your web. If it's a mutual choice or understanding great, however if not; why do it? I've been hit by many married women here and qualified many too. I don't and won't go there under any circumstance. Koz.
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gazpacho
12 years ago
Look,A bit of cheating is just fine and dandy. Just don't fuck in the inner circle. No brothers, friends of the family, husbands or wives of your brothers or sisters or neighbours... fuck someone none of your circle know... There's good reason for this. It's humiliating to discover that your lover has been rooting one of your supposed friends behind your back. It's as if everyone knew but you, you fucking idiot. No. Sharking outside the circle is ok. No harm, no fowl, and deny, deny, deny. Even if there are pictures, say "that's just someone who looks like me". Let your partner save face and keep his/her self image sheltered. Is it wrong? Yes of course. But there's lots of wrong things that feel so right at the time, you just gotta do it. Happy sharking. Hugs'Gazpacho
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gazpacho
12 years ago
Look,A bit of cheating is just fine and dandy. Just don't fuck in the inner circle. No brothers, friends of the family, husbands or wives of your brothers or sisters or neighbours... fuck someone none of your circle know... There's good reason for this. It's humiliating to discover that your lover has been rooting one of your supposed friends behind your back. It's as if everyone knew but you, you fucking idiot. No. Sharking outside the circle is ok. No harm, no fowl, and deny, deny, deny. Even if there are pictures, say "that's just someone who looks like me". Let your partner save face and keep his/her self image sheltered. Is it wrong? Yes of course. But there's lots of wrong things that feel so right at the time, you just gotta do it. Happy sharking. Hugs'Gazpacho
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RHP User
12 years ago
There's a couple of things. If I have a really good sexual connection, I have little appetite for anything external. I might have a temptation, but its more of a tickle than an itch. If the sexual connection isn't fulfilling, then you've gotta work out how to deal with it, particularly if other relationship issues are working well, kids, mortgage ....the word "cheating" is way too limiting. But here's something. In that particular long(er) term relationship I had, the gal was, let's say, not a great, erm "provider of oral sex" and I missed that. So, not that I did, but I would have been more tempted to seek that. But you could hardly approach the average gal and simply ask for, erm......
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RHP User
12 years ago
I'm with you! well said. (except probably the guilt... nothing to be guilty about. Many people have kinks and desires and some of them are very 'curious' but for some reason a bunch of people can't comprehend the pleasure of playing with a non-primary partner
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RHP User
12 years ago
A
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RHP User
12 years ago
Im sick of missing out. I work hard on my body, I am not going to grow old and waste it.
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RHP User
12 years ago
There was a time when I didn't understand this line. Obviously we are not monogamous. However whether sex or finances or anything I could not abide a relationship that was not open and honest. If the play option was not there I doubt I would consider an affair. But then there has only been shorter periods with reduced or poor sex over the years. Usually at stressful times. Trust is paramount to any relationship.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'Docklands_Babe' Im sick of missing out. I work hard on my body, I am not going to grow old and waste it. Well that was a big part of this question.....people cheat for many reasons. Some just love the thrill and excitement and lust, it feels great with a new person and they are happy at home. People who cheat because of lack of sex in the marraige I propose this question to you ? For how long?? How long must you have to sneak around? Docklands at 24 yrs old if your missing out with your partner things will probably not change or is he away for work? If so many couples then work on the open relationship and no cheating a open honest communication.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'Madmanx'I believe trust is more important than monogamy .Agree, it's the deceit that comes with cheating is what bugs me. I remember Tuscan saying it's just sex, but I really don't buy that.
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RHP User
12 years ago
I'm with you all on the deceit thing. I think some get off on the thrill of getting away with it, of having something to themselves, the thrill of a new body and a new person but mainly the thrill of the secret. I've offered an 'open' relationship in the past, he just had to let me know what was going on, but he got off on keeping it secret... It felt like shit from my side!
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magsluvsoral
12 years ago
Well said :-)
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'Meander' Quoting 'Madmanx'I believe trust is more important than monogamy .Agree, it's the deceit that comes with cheating is what bugs me. I remember Tuscan saying it's just sex, but I really don't buy that.I have a friend whose hubby has a medical condition and (ED) erectile dysfunction. Not surprisingly she gets more attention online than I do. We talk quite often, she started out thinking she was on the dark side for "just sex" she tells me it's not so simple. After my experience with the divorcee I too know that "just sex" is also a bit mythical although I heard when you get to the bottom of the rainbow "just sex" is one of the alternative wishes along with the pot of gold. Maybe Lady Tuscan can do "just sex", maybe she's fooling herself, although I think maybe she does have that detachment.If/when I find someone who wants a physical relationship I too will experience first hand the complexities of "just sex". I don't have to sneak around but I do have to be discreet, I don't want the kids to know about it for starters. Mrs D doesn't want to know about but I have no doubt she'll catch on pretty quick, when asked I won't lie about it. That will be when Mrs D goes out to have some "payback" sex, if I'm lucky it will reawaken her desires. If she's lucky she'll get off on it and want to become sexually active again...If we're lucky we might reconnect sexually...C'est la vie ...that's the expression and not a nudge or wink to you with that username
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RHP User
12 years ago
You are beautiful, intelligent, obviously loyal, sexually adventurous and deeply caring. You are the complete package. If a man were to betray you he would have a real problem. Of course, that has always been my point. An affair is a symptom of a problem in the relationship and not the cause. There is no "cheating" in a happy, healthy relationship.All this focus on deceit is simply a distraction. It's also an exaggeration. People carrying on an extra marital affair will of course be discreet but no more so than a couple who engage in swinging. Most do not advertise their sexual activities, they keep it to themselves. This does not make them habitual liars.It should be clear to everyone by now, that there are many circumstances that motivate a person to seek intimacy from outside of their relationship. Some of these motivations are less significant than others and some may even be petty and totally selfish but to dismiss all as "excuses" is short sighted and counter productive.
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RHP User
12 years ago
I have done that......god when I first came here thats all I wanted Just sex..........not your chit chat not your intimate conversations Just Hot Sex........two people going at it for hours sweaty panting hard breathing nearly heart attack a few times OMG MDIDDLY ......I can still do it if I want........but atm I dont want and I see quite a few people see it that way too. So Lady T is not alone in that department. I know of a man who four years ago before a severe accident was quite a different man, now he is incompasitated and not the same person. I feel for his wife not only did her role change dramatically so did her life and her marriage. She is as far as I now devout.............I was thinking how hard many things must be for her especially intimacy as I see there is none. So I was thinking well she should scratch her itch if she has one? but I could well imagine if she didnt go about it right how easy would it be for her to fall for someone else ..... an able bodied man that didnt need 24/7 care.........complicated........ And yes Jensman so true
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RHP User
12 years ago
Too simplistic I think... Some cheat for the fun of it, because they can... THEY are the problem in the relationship.
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RHP User
12 years ago
All you married men lie to be single or a so called "couple" -- you all lie....most married woman are honest & say they're married or in relationships..... Hmmm that's different men lie woman honest- interesting. When it's time to meet married woman are smart & intelligent & up for it.. Men are confused, unintelligent & pull out at the very last moment...... You can all say what you like but what I wrote above is what men & woman have told me in RHP.......... So what is cheating really ???? Being honest or dishonest, respectful or disrespectful ------- - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
Agree with most of what you said, especially it being a symptom, but being discreet doesn't stop the deceit. And yes it happens to women as hot as Meander all the time. (And men) Maybe listing all as 'excuses' is overgeneralising, but reality tells me the percentages of physical and/or emotional disabilities being a cause, versus, in your own words, "petty and totally selfish" reasons, helps the case for overgeneralisation. As Araps said, I communicated my little heart out, did nought for me.
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RHP User
12 years ago
"Realistic", would be more apt. Even if the problem is one partner's inability to remain monogamous, that is still a significant problem and one that surely needs to be addressed.Consider that 55% of people will engage in extramarital sex at some point in their union, being either a one-night stand or full fledged affair. Ten percent more men than woman and not always both parties in the one relationship. So there is actually a majority of relationships affected. Still, less than half of marriages end in divorce and only one quarter of those divorces are a result of infidelity. Goes to show you how often it goes on undetected. Often (more often than not) the relationship survives. There really is nothing simple about the subject of "cheating" except the people who look at it with blinkers on and cast a blanket judgement.If someone is playing outside their relationship, there is a problem in that relationship. I've never suggested that the problem is always the fault of the other party and I never shall. Discover what the problem is and judge that or better still try to fix it.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'Cest_la_viebaby' People who cheat because of lack of sex in the marraige I propose this question to you ? For how long?? How long must you have to sneak around? I had a series of five, overlapping affairs after turning thirty. It ended because it became boring. I never thought of it as a solution, just a distraction.
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RHP User
12 years ago
My heart goes out to all. xxx
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RHP User
12 years ago
I don't want a man who says he'll never cheat on my because I am amazing, I want one who says he never will because he is better than that, no matter how terrible I am.
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RHP User
12 years ago
You definitely deserve a better man than I ...but for that matter, so does Jennylee.
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RHP User
12 years ago
I was desperately unhappy but too scared to leave so yes I had affairs. Three to be exact. I got found out each time and got forcefully put in my place. I wasn't allowed to have friends, male or female. I wasn't allowed to have a job. I wasn't allowed to have a life. I don't regret my affairs I celebrate them. By the third one I was strong enough and had enough confidence to finally break free.I've had my second husband for ten years now. We have a fairytale marriage. I've never cheated on him and he's never cheated on me. He supports me in everything I try to do and never tries to place any restrictions on me. He's the best man I know. I hate the way he runs himself down at times but he does that because he's humble. I'll love him forever.
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RHP User
12 years ago
the post with no end
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'Jack_Denials' Quoting 'Meander' Quoting 'Madmanx'I believe trust is more important than monogamy .Agree, it's the deceit that comes with cheating is what bugs me. I remember Tuscan saying it's just sex, but I really don't buy that.I have a friend whose hubby has a medical condition and (ED) erectile dysfunction. Not surprisingly she gets more attention online than I do. We talk quite often, she started out thinking she was on the dark side for "just sex" she tells me it's not so simple. After my experience with the divorcee I too know that "just sex" is also a bit mythical although I heard when you get to the bottom of the rainbow "just sex" is one of the alternative wishes along with the pot of gold. Maybe Lady Tuscan can do "just sex", maybe she's fooling herself, although I think maybe she does have that detachment.If/when I find someone who wants a physical relationship I too will experience first hand the complexities of "just sex". I don't have to sneak around but I do have to be discreet, I don't want the kids to know about it for starters. Mrs D doesn't want to know about but I have no doubt she'll catch on pretty quick, when asked I won't lie about it. That will be when Mrs D goes out to have some "payback" sex, if I'm lucky it will reawaken her desires. If she's lucky she'll get off on it and want to become sexually active again...If we're lucky we might reconnect sexually...C'est la vie ...that's the expression and not a nudge or wink to you with that username Because I am in love with my husband. For me it is just sex, but I have slowed down a bit since my first bonk every thing that moves days.I have one lovely lover I see on a regular basis and we are very good friends, yes he is married so that's always a safe option if you want an affair. if I find anyone getting attached to me I will not see them again. When your heart is held by another, then yes having sex is pretty easy for me to just bring my body and sexuality to the bed. This does not mean I am not warm and talk to my lovers, we make love and are intimate and I hope its a mutual pleasure for us both to be connected in this way. If you are longing for something, if you want love then having just sex is problematic as one day you will get hooked, it comes with the territory.I think age and experience is on my side, I know myself a lot better now and I know I am loved. at the moment and maybe for a year or so I am not taking lovers, range of reasons but I can live without sex as can we all if we have to ladyT with rather unique circumstance.and meander, my god woman how dare you disagree with me!
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RHP User
12 years ago
That is so not true,as many women have said here previously jennylee is a lucky woman... as are you a fortunate man hugs xx Q
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RHP User
12 years ago
All's well, Q. I got a text from another lovely lady who read my last comment and thought I sounded depressed. There was no self pity in what I wrote (I should have included a smiley icon or something). I've just never felt worthy of such a wonderful woman but I'm eternally grateful that she settled on me. When we were first dating, I'd play the Tal Bachman song for her all the time. She knows how I feel.
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RHP User
12 years ago
That when you cheat on a partner, it shows a lack of respect..... How simplistic and stupid I have been, putting my own inflated worth before others....... Yes, I still believe those with 'fixable' issues (be it counselling or divorce) should take care of the homefront before taking it outside the marriage, however as JenLee has so openly showed, there are always two sides to a story and that none of us can judge another, we can only accept and support our friends.
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madotara69
12 years ago
Quoting 'jensman1903' All's well, Q. I got a text from another lovely lady who read my last comment and thought I sounded depressed. There was no self pity in what I wrote (I should have included a smiley icon or something). I've just never felt worthy of such a wonderful woman but I'm eternally grateful that she settled on me. When we were first dating, I'd play the Tal Bachman song for her all the time. She knows how I feel. a couple of years back we came to this site and unfamiliar to forums, in our home stream there was this thingy drifted past , it was a bloke telling the world how much he loved his wife. Thought fuck that sounds like us and got sucked into the forums praising true love. Good to see nothing has changed J man. Except for the snake that drove Tara nuts.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'LadyTuscan' the post with no end Relevant. Offers options Opens minds ............... I thought it would disappear long ago but it twist and turns.............One thing that seems apparent also is people who cheat are looking for something often a way out...some compassion.........my point is its not the solution.(and yes some say it saved their marraige).
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'LadyTuscan' meander, my god woman how dare you disagree with me! I wish I was in Sydney next time you are, I would love to settle this in person. (Does the Sheraton still do jelly wresting?)
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'Meander' Quoting 'LadyTuscan' meander, my god woman how dare you disagree with me! I wish I was in Sydney next time you are, I would love to settle this in person. (Does the Sheraton still do jelly wresting?) 24 july and might be same hotel, just booking today or the Pullman...that's an appropriate name lol I will tell em to make some jelly
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'jensman1903' All's well, Q. I got a text from another lovely lady who read my last comment and thought I sounded depressed. There was no self pity in what I wrote (I should have included a smiley icon or something). I've just never felt worthy of such a wonderful woman but I'm eternally grateful that she settled on me. When we were first dating, I'd play the Tal Bachman song for her all the time. She knows how I feel. Cheers, W
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RHP User
12 years ago
cheating is for the scum of society.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'holden141' cheating is for the scum of society. when did you get out of the catcher in the Rye? shall I go get some kindling, so you can burn those fuckers at the stake?
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'holden141' cheating is for the scum of society. That's some baggage you have there holden !!!!
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RHP User
12 years ago
Thoughtfully considered, carefully worded and even handed. Quoting 'holden141' cheating is for the scum of society. Oh fuck! Sorry, my mistake. I meant Bigmamma's last post not this drivel.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'LadyTuscan' 24 july I'll be away.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'holden141' cheating is for the scum of society. Like politicians scum floats to the top...the dregs however sink to the bottom...whatever at least from your high moral ground you might right up your own arse...on a clear day.
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RHP User
12 years ago
What will I do with all this jelly? Never mind, next time we can catch up.
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RHP User
12 years ago
looks like there are a lot of dogs on here haha
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RHP User
12 years ago
...but we certainly have the odd troll or two. (Emphasis on the odd)
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